Friday, July 30, 2004

itz really bad

up till now, i never understood what kesh meant by not wanting that someone to go...
well, i guess if that someone goes, i know that i may never see the person again... so i delayed and delayed... and i know i was selfish... but, i too, know that i might never really see that person again... so i acted selfishly... but i felt good... spending a lil more time with ma fwen... sighs... and i just may never see that friend again... but the memories live on... i'm sick of living in memories, but that's all i have... and you wonder my obsession with photography? itz the only clear memory you will have, cos everything's in the head are edited memories...

am i seeing things??

yesterday, i began to see things... when i was goin down the escalator at punggol, i swore i saw a man in white shirt walked right through the glass door... okie so i didn't really saw the man walk thru the glass door cos ma view was obscured, but when i reached the end of the escalator, ere wasn't a a man in white at all... then when i went home, i saw a man in black sitting on the train when i reached punggol... the black shirt had a yellow strip so i tot it was one of the guys wif the double yellow line t-shirt... but when i turned to look again, he wasn't ere... so as i got off, i looked ard and didn't see anyone in black goin up the escalators...

i wanted to check if i 'felt' anything for the guy in white shirt but ere was a few ppl already ere and i wasn't about to scare them... especially since those darn bomb scares tat the NEL is afraid of, with wat the upcoming security check counter... so i decided not to bring too much attention to myself... sighs...

tot of the day...
i felt for a moment... a moment where i suddenly notices things around me... and then i'm back to normal...

Thursday, July 29, 2004

the pics from the art tapestry

the pics from the art tapestry is up in the link called my bucket... check them out ppl... nuthin much... really... sighs... still thinkin abt yesterday...

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

black dressers

sigh... yes duck i'm depressed again... dunno y... anyways, met sri after ma dvd class... she was wif julius(is tat how u spell his name????), hani, ryan, sze jia, su(i tink) and sal... so slacked there for a while before i had to meet a friend whom i promised to help.  anyways, julius was soooo 'pretty'... haha... anyways, so i left early, and went to meet her.. felt bad cos i slacked at sim first.. sighs...

had a great time helping her...

nothing to blog... anyways, tot of the day...
you should be able to distinguish between physical proximity and spiritual proximity... cos i sure as hell can't, they both mean the same to me... but i could trick myself into believing that... sighs.

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

god's intervention and my outcry

sometimes, i wonder if my faith is supposed to be of any use, cos it sure as hell doesn't... if only i had taken script writing this semester, i would have had a darn good story to write... haha... it has loads of twist and turns... so, i guess i'm meeting the 'dream' girl tomz... in both sense to what ma fwens know... to both parties, u each will understand a different level, except for the fact for one special person who will understand both my dilemma... haiz...

anyways, tat aside... i am now wondering if people really do change and if they change for the right reason.. when i say right, i mean for themselves... i mean, what's the point of changing if it only makes you unhappy?

and i wonder if i should keep a bowl of water so that maybe, if i do find a colourful goldfish, which has all the colours in it, i could just place it in there and let it swin in there, protected, and yet never able to explore the world.  and i guess, i finally find a link of why she calls me a joker... at a certain level, i guess i dun fit in. i dun fit in my family, my friends, my school, my course, my country, my love and my religion.  maybe i'm just waiting for that someone to actually collect all the jokers around and place them together and maybe create a joker utopia.  i need to fit in, but i can't... i jus can't...

 yet, i've grown so used to being on my own, that all i need is someone to pamper me... i mean, really... the most strongest person who has faced life front first IS the one who needs the most care... yes, they may seem strong, but we're all raelly weak... just whether we choose to show our weakness or not... and i guess, i finally realise tat i've been for my friends... all they needed was to call me and they can bea ssured that i'll be there... but, usually, well, now i guess i can't seem to find a crying post at all... no one to reset my self worth level... and i wonder why i'm writing all these with tears welling up..

i guess tis would be my outcry...
call me a girl, call me emo, call me what ever... i took it in with a smile... cos maybe that's what i am... but if what i am is a source of joke and ridicule(though how ever unintended it is, it will, like a drop of water dripping on a stone, erode the stony protective cover that i've created)... i mean, how the hell do you think william hung feels? being laughed at? if the reports tat he's overdosed himself is true, then well, how do i avoid overdose? well, i make fun of ppl to make me feel better... even if itz a pathetic method of self-assurance, well, i'm still alive... and that itself brings another day of hope... and all i wonder is that whether i will be remembered at all? this passage from Jostein Gaardner's Solitaire Mystery sent shockwaves to myself, cos one part of the passage is like the one big question that i have always asked myself...

"A joker is a little fool who is different from everone else.  He's not a club, diamond, heart or spade... He is an outsider.  He is placed in the same pack as the other cards, but he doesn't belong there.  Therefore, he can be removed without anybody missing him."
The only question i kept wondering is if anybody is going to visit me if i was hospitalised adn everytime i visit the hospital, i get depressed.  And if i die now, would i be missed or if anyone would ever bother to see what happens if i don't pick up my phone anymore...

Sunday, July 25, 2004

if a dream occurs when we don't hold back

well, i had a dream last night...

i was walking through the botanical garden entrance and it was a wedding set up... the entrance nearest to the hospital... i read the card, and i saw her name... and i smiled reading the card...

it wasn't very vivid, but oh well... since we're on the topic of marriage, a friend asked me once how many babies i would want... i mean, like hey, i didn't really tot of it before, but i tot really hard and then i blurted out i would want 2. so that the 1st child would not be lonely(i.e me) and preferable a boy and a girl... yea... so tat they can go through life helpin each other understand the other sex.. or at least try to... school and parents hardly teach you about the school of street-wise-ing...

oh yea, since sri's claimation to be on a diet, i wld love if ma gf is not... i mean, okie la, if she's like 90 kg or sumthin, den maybe la... haha... i mean, i eat like crazy and still i can't grow... i feel i'm too skinny... but i digress... haha... but if u ask me, i will never buy a weighing scale for the safe fact tat i do not have to feed the coal to the fiery question of "am i fat?"... i mean seriously, if i tot u were fat and i feel deeply disturbed, i'll tell ya.. but really, i can't be bothered with weights... i mean, sure i'll feel a bit intimidated around them, but i grew up around them... so to me, they're really cool, and especially generous... esp with wat i eat...

and i realise tat ppl wifout many close friends makes faithful(though maybe not fidel) lovers... i mean they haf so lil fwens tat (s)he will most likely devote most of her/his life to his/her other half... tats just my tots...

hmm... if i were to be a dreamer and do a list of the qualities that i know i would like the other half to have, this would be it(in no particular order) :

can speak decent english(since i can't talk decent malay to save my nuts)
is not living in the west
not over 300kg
eats a lot (like me)
doesn't make fun of me jus cos i dun 'makan pedas' (or eat spicy stuff)
shoulder-length hair(crap i'm a sucker for tat)
doesn't mind PDAs
doesn't mind my randomness and dun question why i do such random stuff (i mean i too can't explain why i do that... jus my impulses i guess)
if she likes to plan, fine, cos i dun plan for more than 2 days ahead... can't seem to do tat
at least haf a best friend who's a guy, so tat she won't be jealous tat i also enjoy the company of ma best fwen, who happens to be a girl... at least she will understand the company i enjoy
doesn't mind if i speak only english most of the time and not look down as if i'm so alienated from my culture.
dun care if i'm rich or not cos i'm NOT... i can only offer gifts of words and time and affection and the knowledge tat i'll always be there... tats as much as i can offer... i dislike expensive food, cos they usually offer very little... haha...
maybe 1 who dun smoke, i dun mind la if she does, as long as itz not in my direction.i dun haf anything against smokers, just the smoke... though i'm getting passive smoking practices from all u ppl who slack at sim all the time... hahaha
maybe tell the guys wat they really feel, since almost every guy is really dumb at guessing what they did wrong.. i mean, seriously, they(we) really are tat dumb... of course there are ma blood(y) bro...
know wat?? in the end.. the list don't really matter.. jus like how maths don't really matter when you begin to write poetry... i mean, the list is just my wish... but in reality, i just want to find someone who will like me and vice versa... so the list is really just a piece of white dots on the black surface of ma blog...

Saturday, July 24, 2004

thy shalt not blog hop

i was blog hopping ard my fwen's blogs and all... so i jus clicked them at random... and well, how do i put it into words? i fell for one of them... sigh... i've been in such an emo mood, i dunno if itz real or jus, well, one of those passing crushes.... sigh... oh well, itz just a picture rite? i mean.. wat...arrghh... stop being in denial... i've begun to talk to myself now... not tat itz unusual... but wat the hey... i guess the only survival technique i adapted to having a light view of myself... haha... i can't luff at one's self when one is the same person... but when one is in the 3rd person's view, now tat's a diff matter altogether...

anyways, i jus cldn't keep myself from cheating a bit... so i read jus the joker chapter from the solitaire mystery... it seems it is the same as the one from sophie's world...(still trying to grasp the book, haven't finished with it yet) but seriously, if it seems as if i am a joker in her life, then at least i'm proud tat i made a diff to tat sumone... haha... i guess, tats y maybe i dun haf much fwens... i tend to keep to myself, i dun really bother to talk, but once u got me typing, itz a whole different ballgame... and if ppl ask me how come i dun usually go out, well, ppl dun usually ask me anyways, and i dun ask them... i mean, i dunno... abt to spend the 3rd year, and i have only gone out to zero outings, tat is not in any way related to skol... i dunno, maybe i just cldn't fit into any of the broad category tat is present in the skol... so i only group hop... though now itz gonna be wif sri and whoever is at SIM... i guess i cld be thank tat i'm not alone... at least, every year, i'm given a grp tp hang out wif most of ma time... though i still say i spent the best, in ma second year, stuck wif khalif in every project i do... i mean, i'm still yet to find another person as great to work with... i mean, yea he ain't perfect, screws a lot of the work... but itz the weird working relationship tat i enjoy working doing projects with him... oh well, maybe it'll be better tis year... itz startin great... though i nearly got shouted at sri.. i mean itz jus lil things la... but the stress of it nearly made me shout at her and the constant noise as the band are tunin their stuff... oh well... i'm laughing at how silly and minute it is... haiz...

anyways, haiya... anyways, the girl on the pic is really, really, cute... superficial i know... oh well, u can't choose who you fall for... anyways, i guess tat's y i've never been in a relationship before... either i like them or they like me... but itz never 2 way... so... oh well, either tat or i'll screw the thing by not calling them... well, i wasn't brought up and taught tat i needed to call back the girl... and well, i'll most prob bore her anyway... so i just send a sms and well, nothing usually happens after that... itz always easier for me to go out in a big grp and then go from there... less stress, and if u can't be friends with her friends and vice versa, itz really hard for everyone...

and duck, i'm trying as hard as i can... but i can't talk to him one on one... i neeed a whole big grp to laugh with and talk, before i'll get comfy with him.. so bear with me if i'm a bit quiet wif him ard...

here's a poem that is abt the girl i jus fell for... okie, so i got 2 poems... one i did with a friend who claims tat she has lost touch with her poetry but i believe itz still ere... and well, here's the first one that we did together :

as ur heart-shapeed face drifts into my heart
i feel as though you could tear my misery apart
and bury it deep into the ground where
the broken-hearted will revist to re-excavate
bring happiness into my shadow casted life
so i can taste sweet love again and let your light
guide me through the darkest period in my life
Take my hand Princess, walk with me in my dreams
and we shall bathe in splendor of the hidden subconscious that lies yet undiscovered
(the ones in italics are my lines and the rest hers)
this is written by me

as ur heart-shapeed face drifts into my heart
i know that we will always be far apart
for even i do not know where this madness starts
and when it will subside into nothingness

i do not not know if our path will ever meet
or if we will ever even get the chance to greet
each other, if even with a smile or a simple deed
i feel as if i have received the disease at first
yet, the cure is also entwined to Hermes's staff
and just as the Caduceus burns as an emblem
my love for you would bear the same fate
you are my Caduceus
you bring me up from the netherworld
and allow me to breathe like the cosmic tree
with its branch in the sky and roots on the earth
and you then take me to the devine upper world
and if i could mean to you the same, then the
wars and sufferings of our worlds would
be microscopic to our lives for have each other
and everything else would be tolerable
i'm impressed by myself... haha... been a long time since i wrote a poem using not so simple words... i guess itz just different with different people... haiz... so in infatuation....

ABC dee

friday was a total packed day... first time i went home tired from skol... the usual darn 9am class... den at 4, began setting up the mics and stands for the 1st recording of the band for ma project... haha... crap man... i feel so dumb... usual case for 1st days... i'm usually struck with the 'suddenly-i'm-dumb' syndrome on the first day of everything... haiz... took abt 2.5 hours to finish set up... i mean, tats dam bloody long... minus the fact all of us dun remember how to use the board, and me and amin setting up, wif sri pickin up the guys and suf comin in later... but it was great hafvin suf ard... jus got jonathan to help... so tats 2 helpers now... everyone from ABC came... so tat was gd.. i dunno, but it was dissapointing when the recording was a bit dull sounding... we(me and sri) had the scare of our life when suddenly the gens didnt work...and all 4 didnt work... haha... so we had a minor heart attack before i told sri, if tis last test dun work, then we are screwed... haha... and then we heard sound and i jus fell to the floor and the ppl tot sumthin happened to me... haha...

anyways, and then we recorded the vocals... and woaH... all i cld say was tat i fell in love with mido's voice the first time i did the mic check wif her... it was just so, rounded... the only words i cld describe it..

i was so tired... from all the mental stress i had durin the recording... felt bad tat we didn't provide dinner... haha... was kinda hungry sumwhere in the recording.... though the tot of work came up into my mind first...

went home wif mido and yan... i nearly missed ma bus stop to get down... first time since god knows when tat i slept on the bus.... haiz...

oh yea, and it really pisses me off when i'm supposed to meet ppl and they dun even msg to tell u tat they can't make it, till u msg again to ask...


Thursday, July 22, 2004

at last i'm goin to skol

haha... havent been to skol for 2 days and i kinda missed it... haiz... anyways, was bloghopping ard till i came to tis girl's(nad) blog... found it in duck's tag board... anyways, she got a really nice entry... at least she got an email of words that would fill the heart...:

Did you know that those who appear to be very strong in heart, are real weaklings and most succeptible?

Did you know that those who spend their time protecting others are the ones that really need some one to protect them? 

Did you know that the three most difficult things to say are : I love you, Sorry and help me. The people who say these are those that actually need them or really feel them, and they are the ones you really need to treasure, because they have said them.  

Did you know that people who occupy themselves by keeping others company or helping others are the ones that actually need your company and help?   

Did you know that those who need more of you are those that did not mention it to you?  

Did you know that it's easier to say what you feel in writting than saying it to someone in the face? But did you know that it has more value when you say it in the face? 

Did you know that what is most difficult for you to say or do is much more valuable than anything that is valuable that you can buy with money?

oh well, gotta go to skol later on...

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

i'm walking on sunshine....

to tell the truth, i tink i spent my whole sat afternoon watching and takin pic of the rehearsals for SRJC's 15th Anniversary... bought for duck her chicken rice though i was really late, took me 1 whole hour to get from marine parade to SR...
sun: was at home the whole day & nite doin sound efx for kak alin...
mon: spent the day at skol wif zak after class to teach him the DAT & mixer... too lazy to go to SR's rehearsal... and i needed to finish at least 1/2 of the sfx... so yea...oh yea, met joyce & jonathan, my first 2 year 1 friends... haha... they shared the table wif me and chun foon after heng han left... then, johnathan was like, eh liswanto... den asked joyce if they were from fsv or mass comm... so we got chatting from then on...
tues: went for the rehearsals to take the final pics... quite cool really... got my fav picture... i guess once the cam is in my hand, and my eye is on the viewfinder, nothing else really matter.. i was like on the floor and all, contorting my body, i'm sure the video cams got a few shots of me contorted... haha.... anyways, was watching the show with aishah, her bf, siti and nas... den when we finished, we went straight to backstage... ere, met briony... got a pic wif her... den took a few more shots wif others and others... got my last 2 shots wif su... hee... always wanted to take 1... oh yea, and yana knows sri... both of them from cedar... haha... duck left earlier but i didn't went wif her... had to take finish up the card space in my cam...

Saturday, July 17, 2004

How does life begins?

anyways, friday was the most busiest day... haha... had classes in the morn, meeting wif chin boo at 2, had a meeting for the YEP thingy at 5, collected back ma cam from sri right after the meeting, went to clark quay wif a friend of mine. checked out the new age shop... haha... when we went in, it wasn't really a shop wif jus rooms... so in the end, we just walked back down and took a brochure for the reiki class and we went to BK... spent the entire time there before we went to walk to outram... walked to outram!! never met anyone who actually wanted to walk, which was quite a change from most of my fwens... well, minus izati too... so yea, we walked from outram, to TAPAC, did a U-turn cos we missed the junction tat we're supposed to turn at, walked along china town and reached outram... anyways, we're gonna do another expedition to another place another time ard... hadn't had tat much fun, since, well, maybe since the last time i went out wif the dream girl... though, itz a diff type of fun... the atmosphere was just different...
talkin abt expedition, the yep expedition is gonna be in cambodia... still haven't seen any malay ppl yet, i mean i'm used to being the only malay la... but i guess it wld be great if ere's another crazy malay dude or dudess who's goin there too, esp since itz the fasting month... wonder if any1's crazy enough to do tat... tis wld be still my greatest challenge... anyways, from those that came, i felt really old... everyone else is in year 2... hah... crap.. i'll be gone for only 2 weeks... thankfully, i mean i wldn't mind spending an entire month ere la, but i gotta gif time for ma specialist project too... out of all the places, met kesh when i was abt to enter the class tat she left... haha... missed seeing her, esp since we're in the same skol and all, yet never saw her before... she looked the same in the pic, though, i guess still need a lil adjustment to the new kesh look.  haha... had a weird dream just now... and it had her in it...
oh well, later, gonna meet kak alin to discuss wat she needs me to help her with, then maybe go SRJC and continue takin photos for their 15th anniversary rehearsals... tats all for now...
and here's tot to ponder...
not everyone is willing to be happy...  i mean, can u really say that you are happy when you keep doing things which you know are morally wrong? though, we usually take the left path, lie, cheat, steal... i mean sure, you can get a temporary happiness, but would you be eternally happy? and i guess, another thing i read in sophie's world, haven't had the chance to read solitaire mystery, esp since izati kept me wonderin why she called me the joker... and if it has the same effect as the joker said in sophie's world, then i wld not really agree with her tat i am a joker in the pack of cards.. or at least i dun see myself... well, tat's wat socrates tot too.. tat he's not the joker... so i dunno... still, ppl are the best judge as to what you are, especially through your portrayal of yourself to the world... and 1 more thing, i hate it when ppl say you dun know me deep inside... i mean, how the hell am i supposed to you you deep inside when you only choose to show a superficial level of yourself... i mean, show it to the world who you really ar, even if it cause you friendship and mistrust... tat is if you are willing to take that chance... if not, dun complain if ppl's view of you are different from your view of yourself... ppl can't read minds, they can only infer...

Thursday, July 15, 2004

if tears could say apologies accepted

well, todae no skol... again... woooooo hoooooooo... anyways, i haven't been reading my fwens blog and so i decided to read a very close friend of mine's... and there, i a post which i nearly cried... i mean tears were jus welling la... but they never really fell out... anyways, tis is a poem she wrote:

you hang on to a thread
that is about to break
you smile back silent tears
i came undone..
and you took in the injustice
i tried to patch the torn canvas
but the picture wont turn out right
you can see the stitches
it isnt perfect
but that is the best i can give you
and you're still there

i guess i'm lucky and thankful tat the thread i held on to never did break... and yea!!! of course i forgive ya dUcK!!!!!!!!

i'm kinda now addicted to the song 'sink to the bottom' by Fountains of Wayne... i guess the song is quite apt here... thanks viv for introducing tat song!!! anyways, here's the lyrics:

I wanna sink to the bottom with you
I wanna sink to the bottom with you
The ocean is big and blue
I just wanna sink to the bottom with you

Cars on the highway, planes in the air
Everyone else is going somewhere
But I'm going nowhere, getting there soon
I might as well just sink down with you

I wanna sink to the bottom with you
I wanna sink to the bottom with you
The ocean is big and blue
I just wanna sink to the bottom with you

Out on the highway, up in the air
Everyone else is going somewhere
They're going nowhere, and I'll be there too
I might as well go under with you

I wanna sink to the bottom with you
I wanna sink to the bottom with you
The ocean is big and blue
I just wanna sink to the bottom with you

and duck, well, i just dun haf the capacity to remember pain... so yea, of course you're forgiven... i mean, i did tat after i no longer felt any sting when the memory pops up... jus never really did tell u tat... goin out later to take more pics... i'so in loveee wif my cam... did i say tat before?! though i'm sure i did... heh... anyways,

i guess i'm lucky to have so much faith
in the thin thread which was breaking
if you ask me, it was really the only thning
that i could ever hold on to, and just like the song 'vindicated'
"Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of which has caught my eye"
and the shine that cought my eye
was the saving grace for me to not let go
and here i am, still standing where i've always been standing
where i've always stood
where i'll always be standing
and where i will be standing
i'll always be here, standing at the edge of the earth

been goin crazy

been snapping photos ever since tues... now kinda bored takin pics alone... i mean i dun mind la, jus tat it gets a lil lonely at times... esp when everyone u walk past keeps starin at you... haha... not used to the attention... a bit hard to draw the attention away when u're carrying an SLR cam... haha... itz been workin great.. fez volunteered to accompany me on one of the trips... ANYONE else wanna go photo takin???

i just might do a collage of a tree, but made entirely of light swirls... anyways, still can't post pic here yet... so still tryin... chatted wif viv last night... felt weird... didn't really talked to her in skol.. it was fun though... found some common interest... hee... shld try and make a few pages of words on our own eh viv?

i'm addicted to the song 'vindicated'... found in the OST spiderman2... jus loved it...

played soccer jus now at skol... broke 3 of my toenails(is tat wat u call it? the nails found on ur feet) on my left foot... one is bleedin now... cos it cut 3/4 of the nails... the other 2 is not bleedin, so not so bad... so i guess i'll be wearing sandals for a few weeks now... haiz... passed the basic theory!!! though itz been a while now... sheesh... tomrw no skol... again... weeeeeeeee.....did i mention i'm in love wif ma cam??!!! i guess i did huh... anyways, i'm in LOVE WITH my CAMERA!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, July 12, 2004

lotsa stuff been around

i had the best days of ma life....

on fri: met up with ABCs(anything but checkered) to discuss about our final project and then listened to them play... they're quite decent... shld be fun... no attitude problem... haha.... most importantly, i like them the first time i met them... first impression always last!!!

on sat: the whole day went for a shoot with film magic... wat can i say?? itz not so bad the first day... though will haf to agree with sri and everyone who has worked there... haha... was the sound guy for tat shoot... did ma usual weird position of mics and myself... haa...

sun:chun foon took over for me cos i went to JB to celebrate a belated birthday wif ma dad... jus before tat, got myself a new digi cam!! the canon's 300D... and straight we went to JB... the place is newly refurnish and the roads are now different... supposed to help heryati with her project... helpin her with the sound...

mon:heard from chun foon the latest news of the shoot which he took over... haha... he kena terok sia... went with zak to get his photo paper... along the way, met izati at spinelli... which she was workin at... said hi and bought a drink... then i bought my cf card and then we went to canon's headquarters to get ma free lens, which is out of stock, so they are gettin more... there took sum photos of zak!! cos he wanted them anyway...
anyways, anyone who wants their pictures taken can ask me for help... wld love to help out... then walked home from punggol mrt to take photos along the way... i love my cam!!!

Thursday, July 08, 2004

pretty in pink pants

anyways, jus finished watching 7 samurais... and i can see how the west got the idea of thongs... haha... the samurais were already wearing them... though i'm sure parts of africa would have been wearing them before even the japs.... but i digress...

one of ma favourite lines, war is always running, you run whether you're in offence or defence... and itz time to die when you know u can't run anymore..

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

1 earth but two worlds apart

anyways, this happened on Sunday... went out with my parents and as we were walking at Raffles City, in Marks & Spencer, i saw this girl, whom i think is the ony child and i couldn't help myself and started smiling broadly... itz weird when u see someone else who is experiencing when you tot you're the only one who experience it... well, her mom was walkin one direction and her dad was walking one direction and she was like left in the middle and was just looking at the both of them alternately and wondering how who to follow... in the end she just stands in the middle... haha... so typically of me when my parents do that.. and i'll be like the middle link man to show where the other went, especially when one stops and the other walks on... then she just stood at one of the pillar and behind was a poster with a guy on it... and as i was observing her, i realised i was standing next to a pillar with a poster of a girl... haha... wld have been a great juxtaposition shot if it was shot... haha...

went to collect the cheque from eka. met zak along the way to the train... met citra and heryati... haha... citra is one blur girl... told me to meet at tanjong pagar mrt, and when i smsed her tat i'm at the area with plants, she came later on and went straight to TAPAC and called me to ask where i was... den we met heryati,at starbucks... for once, i saw her in all smiles for the longest of time... she just cldn't stop smiling... she was quite excited to get the cheque... stayed there for a while, then i went to meet duck at tampines to pass her, her cheque... den went to oni's place jus to hang around there for a while before she went to meet nas...

today, jus cashed my cheque, i'm supposed to do a letter of intent for this scholarship thingy... heng han's writing me a letter of recommendation... supposed to collect it today... aiya, goin to skol later on then....

Sunday, July 04, 2004

crying our eyes out

i was walking along orchard road and heard this kid crying and his mom starts coming towards him and sternly telling him to keep quiet... i smiled... seems weird isn't it as we grow older, we dun cry as much as we would have like to... or rather as we feel the urge to cry... when someone cries, i guess ppl around would be more concerned rather than indifferent as we keep it to ourself and cry inside... so i say we should cry openly... haha... just food for tot... and tat we shld tell the bugger wats bothering us rather than letting them guess... as wat the mother did... though i'm not expecting the kid to tell la... but u shld get the drift...

was supposed to go to johore yesterday but my mom was so sure the immigration dept at tampines would close at night tat when we reached ere(abt 6pm), it was already closed... haha... so jus walked ard orchard road... i sure know where my sense of adventure and the love to try new things is... sure isn't from ma dad... haha... he's a bit resistant to try sumthin new... sometimes i wonder how i manage to juggle tis dual personality that ma parents haf indirectly injected into my genes... i mean, my mom is the direct opposite of my dad... my mom's extroverted, laughs at herself easily, loud, always with a smile, loves to meet new ppl, like crowds and adventurous... though ere's a whole bunch of other stuff la but these are the opposite of ma dad... and my dad's introverted, dun really laugh at himself(unless my mom keeps laughing and laughing till he can't help it but laugh too), quiet, shy, hardly smiles, hates crowd(esp in the lift) and love the tried and true way and not wanting to explore new areas...

A digi SLR camera and if i get tat dam scholarship, itz as good as gotten
Ed to come home for longer visits
Work again with the,literally, dream from my girl

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