thy shalt not blog hop

i was blog hopping ard my fwen's blogs and all... so i jus clicked them at random... and well, how do i put it into words? i fell for one of them... sigh... i've been in such an emo mood, i dunno if itz real or jus, well, one of those passing crushes.... sigh... oh well, itz just a picture rite? i mean.. wat...arrghh... stop being in denial... i've begun to talk to myself now... not tat itz unusual... but wat the hey... i guess the only survival technique i adapted to having a light view of myself... haha... i can't luff at one's self when one is the same person... but when one is in the 3rd person's view, now tat's a diff matter altogether...

anyways, i jus cldn't keep myself from cheating a bit... so i read jus the joker chapter from the solitaire mystery... it seems it is the same as the one from sophie's world...(still trying to grasp the book, haven't finished with it yet) but seriously, if it seems as if i am a joker in her life, then at least i'm proud tat i made a diff to tat sumone... haha... i guess, tats y maybe i dun haf much fwens... i tend to keep to myself, i dun really bother to talk, but once u got me typing, itz a whole different ballgame... and if ppl ask me how come i dun usually go out, well, ppl dun usually ask me anyways, and i dun ask them... i mean, i dunno... abt to spend the 3rd year, and i have only gone out to zero outings, tat is not in any way related to skol... i dunno, maybe i just cldn't fit into any of the broad category tat is present in the skol... so i only group hop... though now itz gonna be wif sri and whoever is at SIM... i guess i cld be thank tat i'm not alone... at least, every year, i'm given a grp tp hang out wif most of ma time... though i still say i spent the best, in ma second year, stuck wif khalif in every project i do... i mean, i'm still yet to find another person as great to work with... i mean, yea he ain't perfect, screws a lot of the work... but itz the weird working relationship tat i enjoy working doing projects with him... oh well, maybe it'll be better tis year... itz startin great... though i nearly got shouted at sri.. i mean itz jus lil things la... but the stress of it nearly made me shout at her and the constant noise as the band are tunin their stuff... oh well... i'm laughing at how silly and minute it is... haiz...

anyways, haiya... anyways, the girl on the pic is really, really, cute... superficial i know... oh well, u can't choose who you fall for... anyways, i guess tat's y i've never been in a relationship before... either i like them or they like me... but itz never 2 way... so... oh well, either tat or i'll screw the thing by not calling them... well, i wasn't brought up and taught tat i needed to call back the girl... and well, i'll most prob bore her anyway... so i just send a sms and well, nothing usually happens after that... itz always easier for me to go out in a big grp and then go from there... less stress, and if u can't be friends with her friends and vice versa, itz really hard for everyone...

and duck, i'm trying as hard as i can... but i can't talk to him one on one... i neeed a whole big grp to laugh with and talk, before i'll get comfy with him.. so bear with me if i'm a bit quiet wif him ard...

here's a poem that is abt the girl i jus fell for... okie, so i got 2 poems... one i did with a friend who claims tat she has lost touch with her poetry but i believe itz still ere... and well, here's the first one that we did together :

as ur heart-shapeed face drifts into my heart
i feel as though you could tear my misery apart
and bury it deep into the ground where
the broken-hearted will revist to re-excavate
bring happiness into my shadow casted life
so i can taste sweet love again and let your light
guide me through the darkest period in my life
Take my hand Princess, walk with me in my dreams
and we shall bathe in splendor of the hidden subconscious that lies yet undiscovered
 
(the ones in italics are my lines and the rest hers)
 
this is written by me

as ur heart-shapeed face drifts into my heart
i know that we will always be far apart
for even i do not know where this madness starts
and when it will subside into nothingness

i do not not know if our path will ever meet
or if we will ever even get the chance to greet
each other, if even with a smile or a simple deed
i feel as if i have received the disease at first
yet, the cure is also entwined to Hermes's staff
and just as the Caduceus burns as an emblem
my love for you would bear the same fate
 
you are my Caduceus
you bring me up from the netherworld
and allow me to breathe like the cosmic tree
with its branch in the sky and roots on the earth
and you then take me to the devine upper world
and if i could mean to you the same, then the
wars and sufferings of our worlds would
be microscopic to our lives for have each other
and everything else would be tolerable
 
i'm impressed by myself... haha... been a long time since i wrote a poem using not so simple words... i guess itz just different with different people... haiz... so in infatuation....