Monday, June 28, 2004

First Day of School

anyways, the weekend was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!

on sat i helped out with Kris Dayangti's concert... met this new girl(i tink i'm considered new)... haha... her name's muryani... cool girl... anyways(and no i didn't fall for her)... NYP starts on 5th of JULY?!?!?! and we already started school today?!?!?!
haha... the concert was great!!! we all(those helpin out wif media corp)got her autograph... and i got to physically see the MIDAS 3000 board... dammit... was like wanting to see that board since i was sec 3... it was soooo cool... we(me and her) then watched the concert together... oh yea, after the concert, i gorged myself at Lau Pa Sat... anyways, had loads of fun...

then on sunday, went to this SKA gig with Sri and her cousin... and i skank... though now i think sri wld haf spread the word to god knows how many ppl... ryan met me at the canteen and he was like, eh sha, i didn't know u skank or was it heard u skank yesterday... haha... anyway, skank is sumthin like dancing to SKA's music(though i will not verify the accuracy of my defination... anyway, tats wat i did wat... jus danced to it) and for u who knows how i dance, wif me not following the beats and all... haha... though there was this one guy who jus came up to me and said 'u skank very good' and asked wats my name was... tot tat was weird... oh well.. den later on we left.. sri was like tellin me, eh u dun follow beat one eh? but i was constant, at least tats wat her best friend said... haha... had fun la on both days...

den i woke up late for today's class... okie la... though i will be excited over home electricity... first IS i was ever interested, minus PE la... haha... jus took the darn Basic Theory Test... shit man... tat test was an insult to my intelligence... haha... a bit egoistic i noe... but really lor... haha... and u cld actually cheat a bit on tat test... i mean those booklet had some markings and the answer are like marked in there... haha... best 2 days of my life for the past few months... sat and sun la...

Friday, June 25, 2004

I'm bAcK!!!

if u ppl have been wondering what the hell happened to me? well, nothing actually... haha... jus tat my free internet hours ran out in mid june... so now i'm on broadband... wooooo hoooooooo!!!!!!!! though i had to wait till thurs since they need 5 days activation... buggers!! anyways, i'm thankful...

anyways, new updates to my peeps... i took a photo with the dream girl and well, now i'm trying to put her out of my mind... i finally signed up for driving lessons last thurs, and i kinda completed the darn lessons for basic jus now... so left with the test which is on monday... and as i was goin to class today, on the overhead bridge, i saw this cute girl and walked in front and then she overtakes me at the stairs. anyways, i walked into my class first since she went another direction, and then a few moments later she goes into the same class... she sat behind me... anyways, then this guy, whom i saw in the previous class, sat beside her... anyways, we(the 3 of us) then sat together durin the break and i found out they were from tp doin law(found out my pri skol mate dropped out from there)... well, her name's dilah i think, at least tats wat zul said... and they both signed up at kovan too and she was just after me, at least tats wat the no said... she then told me tat kovan had only 4 cars... 4 CARS... i mean how pathetic?! and the one at ubi seemed like they have hundreds of them.... okie, maybe a bit less... but still??!!! 4 bloody cars?! anyways, they're takin the test at 6.30 but i took the 7.30 one... dammit, shld haf jus went for the 6.30 one... haha... anyways, so i guess i'll be seeing them ard...

and i jus realised i lost my bloody ARTS FEST tag... must haf either dropped it somewhere in between the hyatt and my house cos i had it durin dinner.... and it had my lucky star there... or so it seemed... lucky my ass if i lost it... haha... itz just a star made from 2 McDonald straw...

been borrowin dvds from esplanade library to kill time without internet... and tonite is Portugal VS England... hope Portugal wins... haha... jus dun like england...(no offence to my bro, though i tink he supports Italy) well, i supported Espana, but both are out... dammit...

nuthins up i guess... oh wait... met STEVE yesterday when i was goin back... he looked different but he sure sound the same... same ol' practical steve... always dispensing advice.... haha.... missed that ol' guy... though wld haf been much more fun if the three(me, him & ed) met him... haha... cld haf had a bash-steve-up party... haha...

i have this notion that i keep falling for the wrong girls... i mean, i fall for girls who either dun like me the same way, attached girls or jus not ready to fall in love again... though i gotta give the attached girl as the top list... i mean almost every girl i meet and like is either attached or kinda going out with this other guy... crap man....

i'm jus killin time till the game starts... which is like in 7/8 hours... (or 1h 45min) and i hope tat i get a female instructor... though fat hope... i mean, if u ppl are goin to keep cursing lady driver, i wld rather get 1 of them so tat i know what's goin thru their mind as they drive... haha... besides, i dun like male drivers, they're more impatient... of course... gotta give them credits for daring their lives to just help us be a driver... and putting their lives in our hands... and we putting our(or our parent's) money in theirs in return... haha... i splurged on a new watch, (at last, no more wonderin wats the time and digging the phone out anymore) i got my trusty G-Shock... nuthin seem to last longer... and i got it for a bargain... the solar powered ones at $108... i mean i dunno the prices but getting it for $108... i sure hope itz a bargain...

"and till the day we meet again,
in my heart is where i keep you friend"
(i tink tat was wat was rapped)
-puff daddy and a few others-
i tink itz 'see you when you get there'

Monday, June 14, 2004

ignorance is strength, war is peace, freedom is slavery... i love crimethink

been doin nuthin really... itz weird... i kinda stopped thinking abt her, well, kind of, but the movies i watch keeps reminding me of her.. the first, half-past dead has tis char which kept sayin tis catchphrase which she also keep saying... den there was bend it like beckham... she plays soccer too... so, as i ogled at jules, i think of her... i mean, i did haf a crush on jules when the movie was shown here in s'pore, which is like god knows when...

the book tat i had warned abt reading the tarot for myself... but i can't help myself... who else is there to read for? i mean i understand la.. tat we might be biased and all.. but i was bored... so i did one more reading... the one thing tat struck me was tat tis time, the astrological sign is a fire... and she is a fire sign... i begin to wonder... did i really let go of dils even when i shld have tried to do something? becos she was a water sign and the cards showed a water card when the qsn of wat astrological sign wld she be was asked... and now, itz fire... dam... so confused, so confused... though not really confused la... but i guess i still wld want to wait it out... see what happens... arrghhhh... why can i jus fall for someone without much complications? i mean if u girls think basically guys like to chase, i guess i'm jus not like them... i hate to chase girls... and really, i dunno, i hate the chase... maybe cos i'm a lot inactive recently... not really lately, but since time began.... and i dun really like talking on the phone... i dunno, itz just tat i grew up talking to whoever is near to me and not keeping phone as a means to talk to somebody... as my 3 best friends wld know since primary school... hell, i never really called just to chat... mostly itz to either meet up or somethin cropped out...

so if ezaida(though she's not the gal i'm talkin about above) or any of her friends ever read this, i'm sorry i never really called or asked u ur number when we met at the children's camp and even after the 3 straight days tat we met, during children camp, the guides camp and when the guides camp ended... i dunno, i jus didn't tot we needed to call each other... though some where in between the hols, i was like, shit, can't meet up with her... i guess she was the first girl who i liked and whom i have a feeling likes me too... but when school opens, she gave me the coldest shoulder i ever felt... at tat time i wondered wat the hell happened... i came to the conclusion tat she felt as if i played with her heart... and well, i now just look back to reminisce of all that i did(more of what i didn't do)...

and now tat ezaida came to my mind, i jus realised tat the gal i like now kinda haf the same face shape as her... though i believe itz jus a coincidence... ooo... i got a msg.. haha... itz dam sad i know but no one msges me at tis time anyway... itz her, itz her!!! haiz... i'm jus so easily excited... though i dun show it, trust me, i'm easily excited... haha... i mean, she doesn't really sms me usually anyway... so yea... kinda like a treat... haha... sad i know...

really, i'm jus bored to death... wanted to go to the beach again, but itz kinda gettin late... itz like 6.20pm now... by the time i reach ere, it'll be like wat, 6.45? so i guess i'm jus stayin at home... haiz...

Friday, June 11, 2004

i cycled to the darn beach

today was crap... one of my most unproductive day... i guess, except for the fact tat i cycled to punggol end beach... so it wasn't tat uneventful... woke up at 1 as usual and fell asleep again.. till abt 5... suddenly inspired to cycle to the beach near my house... the ride was dam dangerous though... not really, but compared to the normal routes i've been goin to, it has no pavement(i guess for the fact that who will walk thru that stretch of road), both sides are jungles, itz only 2 lanes, i lost my rear light on my bike and the dam reflectors tat under the bike seat... but the beach is okie... havent been to one in a long time... i was walking and enjoying the sights and read all the 'graffiti' tat was there... haha... gotta say, there are always interesting ones out there....
here's a few tat really caught my eyes:

why guys lyk 2 bluf gals?
(i believe we never bluffed u gals... wat we say is true at the moment tat we said it... jus tat they changed their mind later on)

million of words wouldn't bring you back. I know cos i tried. neither wld a million tears bring you back. i noe becos i cried

If e only way to be wif you is in the dreamz, den i hope to be asleep 4 everz
-heartbeat gurl-

then i cycled back... which was the scary bit... cos itz quite winding and like ere's 2 hills... so i'll be cycling uphill and then down and then up again...

i got 3 picture from todae... so itz not so bad... one of a stick being hung under the words 'commit suicide here'... it was one of the graffiti there... i jus added the stick element...

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

i broke my bro's wishes

i am really in a melancholy mood today... i dunno.. maybe the weather just suits me fine... itz wet, i'm feelin low and cold... i dunno... itz jus one of those days where u just keep writing and poems(which dun really ryhme) will just pour out of u.. i wrote about 4 pages in my poem book... i mean, i dun wanna rush things... i would like to know her better and all... i mean what's love without friendship... but the problem is when u confess a love too early, all the other party might think is that you want to love first without getting to know one another... i mean itz a pretty fine line when u tell someone u like her after u've been friends for quite a while and, when u want to get to know her... i guess if u say the wrong phrase, she might take it the wrong way and all... and that sucks... when wat u say and what you mean are two different things... and now as i'm writing, i'm rethinking of what this really means to me... i mean, all things brings us to a lesson.. and as what my SM said so....(arrgh... i forgot the word)... so ominiously todae jus before the show, she told me that every show brings about a lesson and asked me what i learnt today... if i have to tell her this... i'll say... never confess your love too early even if a direct question was asked to you by the girl u like... it just brings about complications.... haiz...

as i'm writing this, i'm msging the girl... minus the fact she msged me for the first time first... i guess whe u're not feeling ur self, it jus shows... i guess i was surprised to get a msg from her... minus the fact that she havent msg me before for a few days... okie, so itz just since sunday... but the only really important thing i want now is for us to be friends... i guess we'll have to see what happens then... for come what may... at least for the very first time, i could say i nave no regrets about what i did rahter than all the regrets tat i never did anything... i guess the train part is right... i think itz the train one, or was it the bus stop... that i have grown or rather reached some new level in my emotional thingy... so yea... though u gotta forgive me for ma naiveness...

here's one of the poems (or at least part of it)

Even if God had spoken before
those were never really so important
that i began to seek his visions
i let nature and God take its course
But i do fear this takes top priority
yet i question hte divinity of my intervention
Question if i should let go and see what happens
But i have always done that and look where it brought me

here's a few more new lines tat i jus came up with:

maybe that's where i 'm supposed to be
i was supposed to fail to know
and to fail to soften my heart
and made it breakable before venturing into the new world
i guess i have always had an unbreakable heart
people were too unimportant to me
but now as i stand at the crossroad
where i would take the new path of fragility
rather than the sturdy road of the past....

anyways, against my bro's wishes, i did tell her of my blog... it feels just like a scene from Cruel Intentions... where Sebastion gives Anette(how how i fell in love with reese during that movie... haha) his diary, where no more lies are kept... though she tells me she won't read it... i guess i doesn't really matter... but silence is a dangerous thing... for it could have millions of meanings which you do not intend to send, or rather u never had the intention of showing at all because you don feel it in teh first place... i guess her messages were an eye opener to what i told her and the wrong meaning came out... haiz... i guess if i had to talked to her these words, it would have came out worst...

and kesh, thanks for ur comfort... never failed to bring me some basket of comfort... and to my bro... who's never there but always there... miss u two... and i guess i wuold have to thank my bro for bringing kesh into my life... u guys know what i mean... =) if u dun, hope u dun take it the wrong way... haha...

some days are regret days, while others are not

at least she's not cold towards me... the only fear i have after tellin her about the dream and that when she asked if i liked her. i began to fall for her on the second day i met her, i liked her on the 3rd and fell deeper on the 4th and i finally reached the point of no return on sunday... i guess i can truly say i have fallen in love with her. itz a strange feeling love, especially when it has abandoned me for so long... for 2.5 years, i never felt it and then it just zaps u like an unforgiving bolt... i guess finally i liked someone, and she tells me she is waiting for another guy... i guess a piece of my heart fell off then... but i smiled and picked it up and just pasted it back... why the strong front? i dunno... i guess i could have just stared at her and fall apart, but no use crying over uncertainties... one day, a video is gonna be shot of this story... haha... a friend of mine and my bro both suggested the idea individually... i mean if 2 ppl think itz worthy, it must be then... haha...

thought of givin her tis pink rose carved out of soap... which i told myself i'm going to give the dream girl, i f i ever met her... i wanted to give it to her on sunday, but after she told me she was waiting for someone else, wat could i do... i didn't want to give my heart to someone who's not willing to return it yet... so i just kept it... and now it makes me wonder... what will happen next... i mean the whole sequence has this magical movie scenario... boy meets girl in dream, boy wonders if he will meet her...boy gets to meet her, then boy cant get together with her cos of an obstacle... obstacle being she's waiting for another boy... if u add an element of a heartbroken past and not wanting to be hurt and boy finally manages to soften her heart and break the defences and they finally get together... itz a classics... but add a twist with - the girl dreamt that a boy she was goin out with gets killed in front of her and the killer just looks at her and says, she deserves better and the killer leaves... and we could weave an intricate romantic story with a touch of suspense and thriller... haiz... that's my treatment of the story.... too bad i'm done with all my shooting... if not can pitch the story in one of my classes... esp scriptwriting which i had an average B... i was out of ideas anyway... so cldn't write a good story... the story was about this dream girl... but based on the old dream....

arrgh, i'm cold, itz wet outside and i got to be at LOT 1 at 2.45... i guess i'm goin off now... still wondering if i should tell her of my blog?

Monday, June 07, 2004

The Dream is on

sometimes, life just strikes at the weirdest moments...

we went to GV Grand, but harry was almost sold out, den at suntec and finally at GV marina... there, we just too watever seats tat was available... and i guess yesterday would be the day i would never forget... the day i realised who the girl in my dream was.if u ppl wondering why i'm so detailed, itz really for myself, so that i would never forget this day.

she wore a pink long sleeve striped shirt and jeans, high heels which she can jump in. a pendant, 3 ear rings(or was it 4?) a clip watch, her hair let down(till her shoulders). as we talked on how to get there, she said she worked at GWC before, and there's a bus from orchard, not the shuttle we took a 16 there. that never crossed my mind, the working part. then, we went in.(shit, i forgot whether she told me she worked in GWC when walkin towards the bus or when we reached GWC)... so we went to the counter and as she was checking the schedule, i was looking out for the popcorn girl... she wasn't there... then we didnt get a good place at GV... so we waited for the shuttle to city hall... we reached marina and just took the tickets available there... so we went in...

i think she was the one who asked me if i helped out with any other theatre companies and i told her WW. then she asked if i knew denise(i tink tats how itz spelled) and so i was like yea. i forgot wat made her say she was in Dramaplus Arts, but i think it was the name valen, or was it tat denise was in DPA too... den just like in the conversation in my dreams, 'so u know valen then' and she was like 'yea' and 'vicknesh and bla bla bla'... that got me thinking major overdrive... i asked if she has a longer name and she said that her name was pronounced something like khairiya(name's unsaid to protect the innocent... haha) though with an extra syllable. i was like OMG... she was askin why and all... i was like, erm, nuthing... tell ya after the movie... so i cant help myself but asked her if she was a scorpio, piesces or cancer but she was a gemini(or was it staggi?) thats one part of the tarot that's not spot on... though everything else was!!!!!!!!!

so after harry, we went to the war memorial... the one with the 4 chopsticks, not the 1 structure one... so we sat there and i saw another friend of mine... on that bench, i told her about the dream, about meeting her and everything...

but, for now, it's just not meant to be yet... but we'll see what happens... i guess if she's gonna stay away from me after this, itz still okie... no regrets... i've met her... for me, that was the biggest puzzle of my life...

Sunday, June 06, 2004

life's greatest mystery is the opposite sex?

yesterday's show was good... although itz the typical singaporean crowd... though i will admit, i'm one of them... but u just can't beat the indian crowd... they are like one of the most rowdy crowd who supports free show... i mean, the first show was a packed show, with almost 90% of the crowd was indians and their support was overwhelming... and for u buggers out there, there is no puns in my descriptions... jus in case u buggers try to do anything 'funny'... cos as i'm reading it, you can go a few more levels of interpretation which the author does not intend... the bedok crowd was quite quiet... haiz... but at least, technically, itz was far better than the first one...anyways, to more important issues:

well, we going to watch harry potter later on... which reminds me of my teacher... but tats not the main point... i'm going out with HER(yes, yes, as to most of my close friends, it may be a bit confusing when i use the word her, so u jus gotta go read the previous blogs to know which her i'm refering to... though now there is only one her)... sometimes, itz weird how games are played in and out... cos when i called her, she said she's goin out with her friends todae... well, i wanted to ask her out too on sunday but didn't la... den went to watch Judgement Day... while wating for her to call back... and fell asleep... but i dreamt tat she msg me to ask me out... so i replied and the next morning, i checked my hp and realised tat it wasn't a dream... she really did asked me out!!! and i did replied her, but i replied again, just in case... haha... and now we goin to watch harry... after a few 'i dunno itz up to u' type of debates... which me and my best buds always go through... haha... den a few moments later, she called again.. and the only tat ran through my mind was tat, shit, she's gonna cancelled out on me... haha.. tats just me, paranoid, android... haha... seems she just wanted to reconfirm the time... so i guess itz still on... arrghh... at least no pimple is bursting or anything... though i haven't checked the mirror yet... well, with life's law no. 1, 'shit happens', these things will just catch up with me... haha... it just will... haha... anyways, gonna psyche myself down and not get over hype... or i'll be literally jumping instead of walking... haha... oh well, confirmed no pimple is about to burst or anything... so now will just see what happens...

Thursday, June 03, 2004

the dark grey car

sitting with you side by side
i feel you warm touch all along
everytime i turned, there you'll be
maybe i stared too hard & far too long

i'm slowly losing my own light
i now depend on the very song
that your words sing to me
for all that i did wrong

please forgive me
cos i can't stop
thinking of you

i look at a dimple
i think of you
i look at a boot
i think of you

i guess just about everything
reminds me of you

and every free moment that my mind works
your image lingers around it, as if there's
an unyielding evanescent effect about you
to my mind's eyes

the thought if you leaves me at ease,
with what ever i am doing at the moment,
just like the calming effect of a prayer

life strikes you at the weirdest moment

on my search to find the dream girl, somehow, i missed out this girl... i guess i kinda fell for her now... i fell for her before, but never really thought she cared, not tat i told her or anything. but itz amazing how one car ride could (dare i say) forever change your life... here's my first online poem... many more will come though... arrgh, i'll type it later on a new post... i guess i really, really fell for her, and i believe ere's an average chance itz 2 ways... i guess itz a good enough chance...

itz been a while ever since every free moment i had, i thought about the same person... even now, she hovers around my mind... haiz... i just hope she's not leading me on... though i dun mind... haha... at least i can say i'm living... my mind, heart and soul would have renewed vigor and emotional rollercoasters are good... i guess we'll just have to wait and see... and about the elusive dream girl, i guess it will have to wait... or maybe she is the same dream girl... i could see some connections except the gv grand and me not knowing her... some dreams are meant to be forgotten i guess... yea, jus had to write something sbout her, if not i'll go crazy trying to keep it inside me....

went for the first day of sign lang instructor's course... arrgh...and it's in school... so had to wake up early... the only thing i dun like... haha... but it was great! the course that is, not the waking up early part!!! i'm soooo sleeepy rite now... just gotta hang on a bit before i can sleep... haiz... makes me wonder why i'm writing tis when i'm supposed to do some edits and sleep early.. . gotta wake up at 6.30am again....

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

The life of the Walking Human

i told my friend about my dream(i tink), then she told me to check out tis website to see what i can see dreammoods. and i did...from what i read, the few stuff that there is, i kinda copied it.. so if i infringe any copyrights law, i'm in shit...

To dream that you are on a train, is symbolic of your life's journey and suggests that you are on the right track in life and headed for the right direction. Alternatively, you have a tendency to worry needlessly over a situation that will prove to work out in the end.

To dream that you are at the bus station, suggests that you have reached some new level or stage in your emotional or physical life.

To dream that you are riding a bus, implies that you are going along with the crowd. You are lacking originality and are taking no control over where your life is taking.

To see a girl in your dream, represents your playful, innocent, and childlike nature. Perhaps you have been behaving prematurely.

To dream about a girl that you just met, represents your anxieties and thoughts of whether you had made a good impression on her and what she thought of you. If she told you that she disliked you in the dream, then it may be an excuse for you to dismiss her and not pursue a relationship that is beyond friendship. (though they never said anything abt meeting a girl i never met... arrghh)

Market(wat ever happened to supermarket?)

To dream that you are in a market, represents some emotional of physical need that you are currently lacking in your life. You may be in need of nurturance and some fulfillment. Consider the specific items that you are shopping for. Alternatively, the market signifies frugality.
(i guess i jus gotta add super to each of the description)

all these stuff are mixed together from both dreams...

well, anyways, the past sun, mon and yest was quite busy for me... monday was great though... went out with another friend and she decided we should go to GV GRAND jus for the hell of it(yeah rite!!)... so we went there, after walking around chinatown... though i didn't see the same bus stop that i saw... so we then walked from chinatown to GWC(great world city) i'll skip most of it... when we reached GWC, i dunno, i weird feeling came over me... i was like, this is it, either i know it or not... den we went up... we bought the shrek 2 tickets, and THERE!!!!!!!! i saw a girl. she was the only malay girl, no specs, no tudong,sumwhat a tad darker than milk choc skin tone, about shoulder-length hair.... and the both of us went towards the popcorn stall... but, like in those dumb movies where the characters are just introduced to the audience and is not supposed to meet yet, we walks away from the counter to the pop corn machine and was doin something to it... so we kinda waited for a few seconds and my friend decided tat maybe we should eat first, it will increase the mystery(not sure which word was used instead of mystery)... so i was like, okie, sure... why not... well, maybe it was a bad idea... haha... so i managed to convince her to go to Seoul Garden,sinful of me... haha... but it was a treat for her... so yea, maybe itz not so bad... we managed to pig out, at least i did ... haha... wats new?! and we took like ard 1.5 hours or 2 hours in there... though i still can't understand why she's amused with me eating the ice-cream, (how many, tat'll be just between the both of us)... haha, u shld try the chicken marinated in lemonade... haha... accidents are the best teacher... so we're finally done... and went back to the cinema... and when i looked at the popcorn stall, my heart sank, my eyes lighted up, my jaw dropped, my hands went up, no voice came out from my mouth... she WASN'T there hands went up to strangle my friend... haha... she wasn't ere!!! she wasn't there!!! oh well, we then went in, and i got distracted by the movie for a while before it ended... shrek was great, an analysis would take too much from me... anyway, we went out and she offered to ask the ppl ere if a certain 'khairiah' is working... but the bugger at the ticket tearing corner didn't think so and the other bugger at the counter says he just started... so, oh well, at least i know ere is a girl, the only one it seems... what are the chances? what ARE the chances?! well, till i go there again, which is not in the near future i believe... then we went to see some really cool bags(i just had to add tis in) then we walked back to dhoby ghaut.... in between, we saw this really cool black reflection with blue lights... i'll post it when i haf a scanner... which is not in the near future too... haha... den we went home... though i cut a lot of stuff in between... and i hope my friend manages to solve what ever that went through her mind on that day, the day before and the coming days...

and here i am, still wondering if she exists... i won't disengage my life wondering if she exists, jus that every free moment, my mind will wonder to that thought... haiz...

anyway, just in case i do meet her, and she reads this, just know the troubles i went... haha... not tat i expect anything... but i guess if you didn't believe what i just said, then here's a record of what happened before i met you and the people that went with me through this journey...

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