i'm am officially depressed today

did nuthin on friday... well, except got to know tis gal named li___ sumthin... haha... was always smokin wif the others at SIM(names shall now be revealed to protect the guilty parties)... so yea, den went wif taufik(q) to the mosque and went home... haiz... eh, wait, i borrowed sum dvds at the library @esplanade... yea... den went home... watched shallow hal...

sat, went for the RP gig... took loads of photos as usual... well, at least sophia(i tink tats her name,and syed kinda remembered me... she looks dammm thin now...) at least compared to when i last saw her perform at RP for basic theory... den caught sum new bands... okie la...awie den kinda recognised me but didnt remember where he met me... it was at oniatta's weddin anyways... den he asked if i cld do a photo shoot for their band...(i forgot whether it was for bhumis or Rafe)... quite a big thingy le if i do... anyways, crowd was okie... the best part was when KOK performed... i tink i took my best photos ere... met a few more ppl ere... lin(i tink tats how u spell it), hadiara(it sounded like hambriala or sumthin, den got ida, met sufrin again)... crowd was ok ok la... sound guy was dam bad until sum other student came and solved the feedback problem... but god dammit!!! the feedback was killing people and they dunno wat to do abt it... and i mean, god dammit... dun leave ppl who dunno wat to do alone... the gal was quite worried since she was the only one at the board and didnt noe wat to do when tis other chinese guy left for a while... i dunno y but i tend to leave these things alone when i dun noe them.. selfish i noe, esp when i see they dun even use the freakin EQ... or at least the graphic EQ... i mean, like, use the freakin graphic EQ for god sake... god dammit... and always be on the board if feedback always occur... and dun put the bloody speaker jus behind the bloody mic... god dammit... of course there's gonna be feedback... haiz...i got to gif it, the bass sounded quite rounded for a speaker wifout subs... and tissue works wonders if u dun have ear plugs... i tink it reduces abt 12dB or sumthin?? jus an estimation... cld be abt 6 only... but the point is tat it works...

den todae went to shoot the rest of the DYL team... celebrated Jacq's bdae after that... it was kinda a simple affair except for the candles which kept bein blown out by the gust of wind and us tryin to form the word 'jacq'... rode on the train and felt depressed... i noe itz a lot of factors but my bloody bro can guess the amin reason... a few others are seein ben, ave, jacq, ifte, lin, viv... (i mean, u guys dun make me depressed la... jus tat seein u kinda makes me depressed.. am i makin sense? no, i guess not... i mean, i like u ppl... itz nuthin abt u guys but itz sumthin abt u guys tat made it worst these month... esp tis month...) itz jus tat seein u ppl brings out an jung or was it freudian term(i forgot wat itz called... but sumthin got to do wif image... and bringing another image)

wrote a prose on the train... it started off as a poem and i got emo and lost my composure for poetry and rhyming verse

The sun still rise in the east
and it still sets in the west
But why is it colder when there's a breeze
And i feel the sun's warmth much less?
I tried to keep the sense of wonder
Seeing each day as a 1st time experience
But i can't see that wonder no more
I don't know how or what to feel
one day you are warm
the rest of the week you're cold
your smile warms hearts, at least my heart
But when i'm not with you, you're frozen to me
you leave me low to find my own
A way of getting up to start walking on my own
I won't pretend i feel nothing for you
And i wonder if it's because of your ex
You leave me high one day & rock bottom the next
I begin to question if i can handle
all the fluctuations that the past month brought
if i could still see that smile twice each week
and not feel anything at all for the rest of the week

life sumtimes bring u an orgasm so that u can hang low after that

went out wif ed on wednesday...last wed at least... met him at simei since he needed to buy the thingy that can be fitted into a bottle wif a roller ball... haha.. .for his fwen's pet... den went to eat at KFC as we waited for ducky... i forgot wat we did... but it was walkin abt in tampines...

went to set up a show at West Mall on friday afternoon... den went to take photos of The Leaven Trait at youth park... rained heavily jus after they finished... got stuck for a while at the youth park.. den went home..

sat was a full day... went to take more pic of leaven trait... their PS gig got cancelled cos it was raining, so started wif the paragon gig.. den off we went to the DYL meetin and den to bishan... but must admit, the bishan one was GREAT!! at least the stage was... ere was like lights and smoke machine and stuff... dun get tat for gigs very often... wheeee...

sunday, i tried to think of a topic for WISP... den tried a final research on IC den changed my mind in the end...

had lunch wif liza and her 2 friends... sharifah and bahriah(i tink)(she's interested in photography from wat i see)... den made a few straw stars(thanks to faiz or was it faizal? crap, sorriw dila, forgot who's who) oh yea, dun tink i told ya i already noe how to make loads of stars wif straw... haha.. been practicing... haha.... anyways,den we went to class... in the end, i never presented... den must present next week... so now i'm torn between sign lang and tarot cards... haiz....i tink i'll do both...

den went to hang ard at the bukit panjang shoppin centre wif her(i didn't noe the name of the shopping centre)...had abt 2.5 hours anyways b4 i need to get back to skol anyways... to play soccer... and she offered to keep me company anyways... hee... got the photoshop CS book which i was tryin to find... found out she's an aspiring nutritionist... walked in popular and learnt who captain underpants was... haha... den walked her to her house b4 goin to play street soccer... met raihan and chun foon along the way who was misinformed of the location... haha... den played for abt 2 hours...

havin craps in my upper body cos didnt bother to warm up my upper body... haiz.... so tues had tutorials cancelled... so wasted the day waitin for chin boo to finish the class and haf a meetin wif him... *sob*sob* den went wif sri to take photos of the murals tat she and the guys painted for woodlands primary skol... den went for the photoshoop i'm supposed to do for the DYL crew... den took sum interesting shots... but of course... hahaha... well, sumone gotta praise me(even if it has to be myself...). haha... spent wednesday in skol....

thurs... haiz, quite boring la... nuthin to do except edit more photos of the murals and tryin to get a hang of the CS....

whoooooppppppppieeeeeeeeeee

anyways, caught Comic Strip performing... well, shot for them anyways.. so had fun... realli great... and smooth... anyways, sri managed to shout to tis gal tat i wanted to take a photo wif her... i mean, i didnt want to but didnt mind la... haha... a vocalist from lounge lizard... and yes, they now haf a sax, trumpet, vocals(a bit) and one more guitarist i tink... so anyways, yea, she was tis kinda cute lookin singer...(cant realli control her voice la, but who really cares rite??)... and so sri takes the responsibility of takin the photos and she makes it blurry again...(AS USUAL!!!!) haha... but thanks for the thought anyways... haha... the rest of the bunch of ppl were already makin loads of noise and makin my head turn red... anyways, den when they were done, i met liana since she wanted to catch a bit of the performance... and at least the last band wasn't a dissapointment... it was GREY SKY(or was it CLOUD?)... the vocalist whom when i first heard her made referance to Amy Lee... anyways. tat was nice... had dinner by the fountain... had kaya toast, cheese bun, these sotong ball... so not soo bad...

monday
FIRST DAY IN SKOL
okie la... the DPM was quite nice... at least i like the subject... den had WORLD ISSUES.. A SINGAPORE PERSPECTIVE... not much of a choice but even if i had, i wld never regret takin tis teacher... he was quite fun loving... and the class wasnt dead... though Chua can be a wet blanket... so anyways, most prob not gonna sit wif Khalif and Chua... haha.. not tat i haf anythin against u guys... though Khalif is quite fun to sit next to if u can take his ideas... but well, i tink i'm gonna sit next to new ppl who are not in my course... and for the 4 souls who know wat i'm talkin abt, good for u... hahaa... it was such a weird class for me and the hope of dreaming before 20 still lives on... and if tis is wrong, den i wont ever believe in my stars anymore... at least not for a while... hahaha... so yea, such a weird incident... went out of the toilet and met them.. so like walked to the lift and decided to go down cos was too lazy to climb the stairs... haha... den yea... had a chat wif liza... tis malay girl who didnt haf a trace of malay in her voice... haha... was weird... anyways, she asked me the first qsn in malay and never talked to me in malay anymore... i guess she was more comfortable talkin in english... not tat i minded... seein how me and malay is quite a joke.. so yea, though must haf said, she beat me to askin which course was the other from... chatted all the way to the bus...den went home...

decided to take out my guitar and as i was jus plucking, ere were loads of rattles... so decided to change the string, since it was gettin mouldy and rusty...den i broke the g-string when i was turning the machine head the wrong way... okie never mind... den checked the machine head and saw tat a few was loose... den had to get new ones...so i jus changed strings.. and goddammit... the g0string broke again cos i was accidentally tuning it to a D... den i got string changing phobia already.. hahaa.. so slept early so tat i can wake up at the unearthly hour tomz at 6.30am...

TUESDAY
so went a bit early todae for ma media law lecture... wanted to be a good first impression... haha... so yea, went ere, den had a 4 hour break... i mean... wat?!?!!?!?!?! 4 hour break???!?!?!?!?!?!
so me, sri, tristan and ryan went to play pool... den at abt 12 plus, went to eat at Al-Ameen... so had mee goreng and the usual milo dinosaur... den went to head to skol... since i was kinda lazy, i suggested takin a 61... so we waited for the bus and when the bus came, i boarded and lo and behold... met liz again... she was sittin wif her fwen.. so jus said hi... so stood wif the rest... den went for class... haiz... but quite fun la the media law tutorial... got me interested... haha... and dila, will need ur help wif all these law terms... heee...

den went to buy machine heads wif liana... ended up wif me buyin machine heads, camera battery and a camera bag... wheeeeeee... i feel sooooooooooooo poor now... hahaha... anyways, hope the cheapo battery dun screw my camera... got a verbal contract wif the dealer.. haha... though god knows if itz valid.... oh yea, the the judge... haha.. i'm gettin into the hang of law now... haha... so jus fixed my guitar now... cahrging the battery... and i'm ready for the shoot tis fri and sat... wheeeeee.....

fickendu 31

haha... got the title from tis guy who was wearing a blue jersey which has the words 'fickendu' and the number 31 at the back... haha... saw him goin down the bus as i was on ma way home... anyways,
was at the paragon from 5 plus till abt 8 plus 9 plus?? caught sum band who was screaming their lungs out, MTE(who also decided to scream a bit) and another band... so i forgot their name... yea yea... watever... haha.. the usual ppl were there... lin, ifty, ben, joel, jacq, hambril, isk, viv, MTE(like duuhhhhh), i noe i forgot sumone... who ar?? oh well, anyways, got loads of dark picture... hope can salvage sum thru photoshop... a bit grainy but oh well... so anyways, then we all went to Mac to eat... den tis gal went up to me and asked my number and stuff(yea rite... )hahaha.. anyways, tis gal went up to me and asked if i cld help her do a survey and stuff... turns out she was from TK since she said i looked familiar... but i swear ppl recognise me when i havent even met them... hahaha... so yea, it was a food survey... sum wierd abt how much i was willin to pay and stuff... basically i gave them the thingy abt spendin too much for fast food... haha... i put most tat i wont buy but ended up buyin anyway later... hahaha.. wat to do, i was hungry... hahahaha... so yea... den they got on to talkin abt loads of stuff which never failed to crack me up.. esp wif fir ard... haha... though it got a teeny bit sexual... hahaha.. wif KC and Viv by his side.. hahaha..

went home wif the rest... followed lin to clark quay, den missed the train so dropped at chinatown instead... but still had to wait 5 minutes... which was wat i wanted to avoid in the first place... haha....

todae, my computer went bonkers... decided to die on me... so yea, jus reinstalled the XP before i left ma house to go to paragon.. collected pictures... haha.. and hah.. i say to the lady(in my heart cos she wasnt ere todae) since she told me tat i need to do a fill cos the pic wont fit... so yea, hah to u again for underestimatin me.. haha.. i'm jus a bitch la... hahaa... and talk to me like i noe nuts... well, hah to u again... but i took the role of not knowin and jus agreeing along wif her since i dunno who'e rite... so now i noe who's rite... and itz not her... hahaha... pasted the new photos on my cupboard(is tat how u spell it??).. since the cabinet on ma comp desk was full... now i noe must tell the guy i want the pic to be printed the same... no color correction cos he spoiled one print which i did an orange filter on it... but no... not his fault la... i didnt tell him and he took it as a color problem... hahaha... oh well...

spent the nite at ma bro's place... wait, i did blog abt tat already... hahaha..

anyways, kesh, thanks... haha.. was written by the both of us... me and ed havent done a poem together for the longest of times... actually i dun remember any time we did a poem together.. so yea.. well, his lines are more british style.. has the influence of older writers... and me, i guess i haf more influence of small kid bursting wif angsty not so poetic kinda poem writer... so u get a bit of conflictin but in a nice way since we both kinda wrote abt ourselves yet abt each other... (i tink)... at least tats wat i told him to do... haha...

and bro, it dun matter the number of blog u do per day... haha.. and duck's back... though she's been usin the line do keep in touch a lot lately... so dunno wats wif the new expression.. haha...

Coping Mechanisms

From the authors of 'let's break hotel beds!' and 'i'm at ed's place gettin drunk'...:

would the questions here make me ill
or would more medicine sustain me
would the emptiness ever fill
or would the soltitude suffice me

soothe my blue tears to give relief
and comfort my weary heart
for sorrowful clouds does my heart conceive
whenever we're apart

it's hard to understand or comprehend
the intricacies of our nature
yet for our past, we always try to mend
the cracks in our counterfeited caricature

and if Shakespeare was right about the world
then maybe this play has a curtain call
but till we bow and say adieu, girl
let me recover from the malady night fall

i'm at ed's house gettin drunk

so yea, here i am at ed's house blogging... hahhaha... anyways, since we were supposed to blog together, so here it is... went out to meet duck jus now.... and ed... but she had to abandon us... like see us for 30 min and left wif nas... so yea, here i am, decided to buy two bottles and went to his house... so here we are usin his 56k modem... hahahha... he jus scolded me an ass... hahaha... eatin after 8 and reading a fwen's blog... and yea, itz okie, i didnt wanted to be lead on to too... so yea, and i went to book ma practiacals... so itz due on the 3rd January.... and i need u there to be ere as i begin mywhining and tellin u i dun feel confident k... hee... so yea, we're still friends.. hee... i was scared tat u will walk away from me too.... hahahha... so yea, i hope i dun get too drunk... and i enjoy ur company too... haha... dun worry... maybe i see wat lili has to say... hahahahhaha... no la... i'll be my bro's alternative of wat he wants to be now and he'll be me... hahaha... so i hope we can still go out... haha... i'll be good... heee...

arrghhh, mint and drink jus dun mix!!!! it leaves a crazy taste in ur mouth... and next week starts skol... arrghhhhhh... shite... dun like my new timetable... haiz.. and sri, i tink sumhow, we're abt the same situation... hahaha... we started the same and ended the same... hahaha... so i cant wait to see u in skol though i noe u wont be reading this.... so yea, lets go wack our kawan lagi tis semester... hahahaha.... so yea...

oh yea, watched shutter jus now wif ed... okie la.. had a bit of goosebumps... haha... so wasnt dissapointed... hahaha... and enjoyed myself... been a long time since i went out wif ed... hahaha... and he's leaving sooooo soooonnnnn... haiz... wat to do....

and yea, i treasure the friendship more... jus tat i needed to know so tat i can carry on wif life... hee... so i'll see u online as usual den... =)

i chose to fly and not leave my wings on the floor no more

went to watch bridget jones diary on monday... wanted to watch shutter but it was only left wif the few front rows... so went to watch bridget jones diary... hahaha.. loved that show... oh well, den rushed off to see eddie... yeay... he came back... hahaha... den went home wif duck... it was just a short visit la... but oh well, got to see him... haha...

jln raya todae... went out wif duck, zak, vick, su, ying xia, sherlyn... went to only 4 places only... oh well, went to ma house, su's and den had to rush off to oni's house... so the 4 of us(me, zak, vick & vick) went to oni's house.. the rest stayed at su's house... den met up wif azim b4 we entered oni's house... chatted a bit and den left wif her as she was goin to watch the S'pore Idol... so den we left and went to zak's house where we stayed till S'pore Idol ended... all of us were lepaking at zak's house... and the weirdest thing happened... they sang All For Love... as to wat sri might understand as i made the presentation to my whole class, the song brought me courage which i never tot i wld muster in a few days... hahaha... okie, so it was the only song playing from abt 8pm till abt 4 or 5 am... as i was presenting my analysis for that song... it was given to me and i made a promise that another time that i hear that song from the tv instead of the radio or any other show beside a concert, i will msg and begin a risk which i never dare to do... itz abt flying high and never wanting to leave the wings on the floor... wrote it on the bus home todae... i liked it... hahaha... so yea, i heard the contestant sang and i closed my eyes as i wrote my msg... so i hope tat i will at least get a rejection... i mean, hey, a rejection is way better than being left out in the dark... and tis tot occured, tat if a relationship is supposed to be strengthened thru the telephone, tats y i never get anywhere... anyways, and i cldn't be happy for taufik cos i was still composing the msg as they announced the winner... hahaha... though duck and everyone else was screaming... hahahha... i mean, wats the chance tat i will hear the same song again on a live show??? hahaha.. so yea, anyways, i can move on actually... i guess i didnt want to hang on a limbo and wonder anymore... so yea, i'll be waiting... either say sorry or jus msg a casual msg... and i'll take both as we're still friends... and it made me wonder, wat now? i dunno, i may haf no plan, but if it happpens, itz still as foreign as hambrividishk(dun bother to find the meaning cos i jus pronounced and it sounded dammm foreign)...hahah... and if i do get rejected, hey, wats new?? hahaha... anyways, here's the poem i wrote....

If I Were Given Wings

If I were given wings
Would I want to fly high
And yet be able to keep it

If I were given wings
Would I want to fly high
and then let it be clipped

If I were given wings
Would i use it till I can't fly no more
Or would i just leave it lying on the floor?
Thinking myself unworthy of the special gift
Which i think will never last as it might be brief

If I were given wings
Would i keep it a secret and use a diamond padlock
To show it off & yet keep it privy from any mock
Yet my face reflects the daimond's shine
I've decided to spread my wings and fly
But i dunno if I'll come down crashing fine
Or will i be left lying on the ground dry?