Monday, December 26, 2005

collisions of destiny

tis weekend has been nuthin but collisions of fate.. i dunno.. jus tat i seem to meet the rite things.. it started when i booked out.. for sum weird ass reason, i went to penisular first before goin home.. a new friend found me when i went into ken's shop.. i lost control of my hands and she drags my hands to her. and it was the first time i lost control of my hand.. which was pretty cool!! so yea, now she sits inside my bag everywhere i go.. so went home.. den went to smoke sheesha wif jon after tat.. okie, so al - sumthin (fark, forgot the shop's name) has regained the no.1 spot!! haha.. and to tink i used to smoke ere for a few mths.. the one at pahang street.. goddammit... anyways.. den today i tink might haf found my photo shop.. the one place to develop my pictures... whee...

so the first week in sispec was quite hectic.. took at least 5 test in 5 days.. or rather 6 if u add IPPT cat test.. got a female sergeant and her name's salizah.. which also sounds like my name.. so the first time i heard it, i was like, arrrr... another sergeant wif part of my name too.. in BMT already got rizal.. den now even closer soundin to my name.. was quite surprised when the sergeant was a lady..

the food's a bit better here though..

Thursday, December 15, 2005

meeting a crossroad at a new path

much has happened in the one week i didnt update anything..

spent a grand evening at kenneth's place.. tat was all i could say.. did guard duty on dunday which sucked, but at least it wasn't as bad.. great company while prowling.. well, met tis sergeant who enjoyed bird watching.. he showed me and kenneth kueh the great heron or was it herring?? anyways, itz grey in colour.. yea..

monday: spent it celebratin su's belated birthday.. it was nice to see xia, su, sherlyn and duck after a long while.. how we grow yet sumtimes stay essentially the same..

tues: went for my first session.. den met borrowed loads of poetry books.. i guess i'm now back to poetry. den went out with kenneth m c.. went to like different places to smoke sheesha.. one at ambrosia and the other at sahara.. and i must say.. sahara has the best bong and never haf i smoked a more free flowing bong in my life.. and it was kinda strong... took a lil while to get the sensation but it sure as hell lasted very long.. so now one of my fav places.. though the music got extremely loud at abt 11pm.. which was abt the time we left..

went for my first class and i must say, after that, it feels great to be "running hot", in the words of Cpt Short from Artemis Fowl... never haf i felt the same and it was great till i can still feel it today.. went to meet duck and parveen after that.. went window shoppping ard. den met dila while i was abt to go home... so stayed and chatted for a while before duck and parv left.. i stayed on.. since i got nuthin to do.. so caught up for a while.. den she had to leave.. dunno y i didnt really leave. well actaully i did la.. haha.. den met norliza who was supposede to meet the grp i was with.. so there we were, having a reunion of sum sort.. haha.. went to mac to eat.. 5 of us.. me, fendy, yanie, vit and liz.. it was a weird experience for me.. jus knowin them for a few minutes, and i guessed we clicked quite well.. vit was like, and u wldn't believe if i told ya they only met for less than a few hours.. surprising me as they knew michael poon.. haha.. though not a positive scale.. hah.. nor was it a negative one.. hahaha.. den found out marks and spencer at white sands closed down already.. well, at least the train ride home wasn't boring..

i tink now life ain't so bleak as i tot it wld be.. surprising, it started again on a high quite soon.. sooner than i expected.. and now i smile ear to ear and i look foward to the coming days...

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

an image etched to my mind

POP lo!!!

here's a month's update:
had the greatest route marches he ever done.. 24 km was no shite man... but the feeling when it ends, it was devastating. a few days before the march, i get a msg. and it says dun bother to contact me anymore. how does he reacts to this msg. he takes painkillers and numbs himself. he pretends itz okie and the army will keep him distracted. which it does. but some day, sumwhere, the painkillers will wear off and he regains his senses and is no longer numb. that day just had to happen after a glorious 24km. as we reached campsite, it rains. and with every rain, the private's emotional defences fail.

he stares at ripples forming on the ground and all he could think is how the perfectly calm life he had, ripples with a drop of water and turns chaotic. the calm water mirrors his heart and suddenly drops of pain falls in and it is never clear anymore. and the most important part is that he never knew what hit him and y it hits him. and he knows like will never be the same again.
and so he goes up to his bunk to see 5 msges for him. he reads each one a thousand times. re reading it to confirm the reasons why he was left behind but yet it never makes sense.. but hey, love never does. and he hopes she finds herself before she finds someone else. so he thinks back. maybe he shldn't be sooo sweet. but then again, he wldn't be himself if he wasn't. so he wonders...

and in camp, he spends his time in complete solitude and mingles with spirits who bothers him and finally gives him peace. and all those plans he has when he leaves tekong for a while, is thrown into the sea. and he penns something, something to ease his mind. something to console himself.

And each pawn wonders
who's the sick chessmaster
who makes them ponder
about their doubts and fears

We will be given what we need the most
And when we need it anymore
it gets taken away from us
Or do we just push it away?
When we thought it would stay

We are hardly given a burden
By which we can't handle
whether we pull thruogh as expected
or falter somewhere along the way
That, we never could say

So now I sit here and wonder
What made you push me away

You give me a part of you
But you stole a part of me
which i was not ready to lose
you stole my heart, tore it up
and said you're sorry
And i guess I'm sorry too
for not making my paper heart
into something more durable

He reflects back and thank god for giving him someone to think about to gain strength and pull through his BMT period. although it was taken away from him when he least expects it, he could now smile and say if i never had her to think about in BMT, i never knew how i would survive. and so he does survive it and now she leaves him. and he pulls through another heartbreak. and the most serious one he ever had. and what dun kill him only makes him stronger. and he now looks ahead. heading into a new direction, yet hoping that maybe one day, she'll come back. and locked away in a white box is a pink mug. yet he doesnt know if he'll ever use the mug. it was a parting gift. she gave him a mug and he gives her a cd.

anyways, on to less depressing stuff... POP... it was a different atmosphere during POP. it wasn't as grand as I expected... but it could reduce a man to tears and make them the proudest person around. i swelled with pride as i see my parents came down from the grand stand. but this moment was just one person short. but i stood tall and tried not to think of her. so took loads of pics with the sergeants.. or rather one pic with each of the sergeants.. vern was ere too.. so at least i got to take a pic with him..

so as i walked out of the ferry terminal.. tis image of a man standing.. around him the pillars of the jetty and behind him, the sun was setting and flanking the settin sun were two islands.. and that was the image of freedom for me.. at least for a while...

jus now watched 50 first dates.. sure i'm a sucker for these movies.. but this moment was more sublime... and sumhow, i dunno... tears formed up all over again.. just as lucy was about to break up with egg head, i get a msg... i paused the film to read the msg.. and she asks for forgiveness for hurting me and i'm thinking.. i'll just reply after the movie.. and continued with the movie and it continues with them breaking up.. and at that moment, it welled up and burst. and i jus dunno.. as much as i cld deceive myself i gotten over her, i still need time to slowly heal...

i have already started to delete her msges.. i needed more strength to get over her... and though we spent little time, each time we met, i had to go through a mile. and these long rides and mentally drained physical body alway listened to the energetic mind and heart of mine. and no matter how drained and only wantin to sleep i was, i sumhow managed to drag myself to the west of the country and meet up with her for maybe 1 to 2 hour before rushin home to go back to camp. and the more hardship we suffer, the more memorable things are... and so here's a summary on my next post.

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