Saturday, October 29, 2005

we walked on campus

he walks on the moonlit sandy beach, staring at the stars, a map he cant read. they looked so pretty that he begins to wander off. wander into a time when he walked around campus with sumone by his side as he listens to her problems and jokes around with the occasional objects slipping from her hand. and they walk shoulder to shoulder, sometimes a light strikes either of them and their hand brushes, generating a bolt of electricity. he remembers how she used to rest on his shoulders. how they would try holding each other while on the excuse of trying to get a better look at pictures. pictures which they never took of each other. how they teased each other without giving too much away, but tat which is really pointless since they already know. he listens to the wind as they speak to him in a language which only the heart understands. the wind chills his bone. he looks up and understands that the wind now jus mirrors how he feels. cold, chilling, invisible, empty looking and low... he stands and look back at the horizon and sees the sea, moving up and down, all according to the moon. he looks back at the moon and sees the crescent. the moon a smiling face. moved, he faces back home, a smile plastered on his face as he tries to control how high or low he feels. yet, no matter the smile, he still knows inside he will be flowing with sadness. and he tells himself that he's sorry he cant be perfect. that he falls for forbidden fruit. that he pushes away every other type of food laid on his table. that he only believes in love at first sight. that he trust his instinct. that his instinct lands him into trouble. and he looks down to see seeds marking a trail to one end. shld he follow the seeds or shld he go home. when every other day he goes home, today, he decides to to follow the seeds into a dark, deserted forest. and he hopes he can find the way out later in his life.

love is like getting wasted on too much alcohol

love is like getting wasted on too much alcohol...

it will bring you to a high for a specific amount of time, u do silly stuff which makes u feel so good and den u feel like sleeping it away and when you wake up, u feel like shite.. and den a few moments later, you try a different type of alcohol and its effect are mostly the same. jus depends on how much u decide to take.

am i in love?
i dunno...
am i drunk on love?
i dunno...
am i in like?

ere's so much that we could share but we never did. we distill everything and send text msges... we both want to commit i guess, but we both know we can't... time and situation doesn't permit it... i haf one day breaks and she works on the two days that i taste freedom. she live on one side and i live on the other... but we miss each other... imagine romeo and juliet, but add to the fact that juliet jus broke up with her boyfriend. and even though she closes her heart, they will see each other to settle some stuff on a daily basis. till the boyfriend gets deported to the "island" where romeo is now imprisoned. and until then, romeo decides to give juliet her space because thats what he has always done.. doin the "right" thing but wrong thing for himself. jus like a burning candle who shines light for others at the expense of himself. he was told for the first time that he most probably won't see her for a while. That was the first time tears formed in his eyes jus because he was told he cant see juliet anymore till a while later. why was romeo overcomed with such sadness? maybe it was because he spent the previous two days with her. and it was one of the more happier days ever since a long while.

though no matter how young juliet is, in her, he has seen mental strength and ethics and a way of thinking hardly much people her age posess.. so, now, we are at act 3. where romeo has to face feign death and await to see if juliet comes with an antidote or a dagger to his tomb.

so now he wonders, how does a single guy who spends his days idly and suddenly only get to go home once a week find his dearie when he cant do it when he has loads of time? he wonders that too.

and he wonders. why would 2 gods fight for him. he is slowly slipping away from one, yet he wants to hold onto him. anyways, in camp, it seems i'm honing other skills.. now i believe i can feel for auras... the only shitty part is that, i can feel them, but i dunno what to make of them.. practiced energy ball, shielding, distribution among body, letting others sap my excess energies... itz good to haf a watcher around too. makes life less yet more complicated. and with that, i'm scaring my buddy away... haha...

Saturday, October 08, 2005

voyeuristic life

We all live a voyeuristic life. we get gratification from seeing something sensational. especially if we're not supposed to see it. i haf lead one and i will continue to lead one. the only difference in me is that i'm a thief of these moments. i enjoy stealing these moments and i might even share the moments from those i steal. sometimes i get bashed up for these moments, but hey, i live a life of danger. but most of the time, wat is most special is that i dun even know if i got anythin. i place an element of chance in my photography. as to those who haf spent time wif me while i held a camera, i thank them for growin with me. and i still continue to try to live that life in army. though less of what i usually capture, due to the lack of shooting material and the restriction of when i can whip out my camera, i'm confined to my bunk mostly and the crazy stuff they do. so after one week, i only had 77 shots. quite pathetic really, compared to what i regularly shoot. but hey, it keeps me sane sometimes.

This week in army was kinda hectic, especailly with the fasting month goin on. sleeping 6 hours mostly, since i cant sleep when everyone is havin crazy times durin our admin time at nite. i mean, hey, y miss all the fun and go to sleep. so i sacrifice sleep for the fun things they do. which is all worth it really. though i must say, itz quite tough, especially mentally and the calefaction of my body. usually, by mid day, i cant really perspire anymore, so my body heats up, sometimes to the point of near fainting spells. and i cant stand still for more than 5 minutes. signs of dehydration really. but hey, a wash to the head always clear loads of things. and the extra time we get during lunch breaks are usually priceless.

my most amazing feat was doing 3 pull ups at the end of the day, when we were having our last training. usually i could do only 1 to 2... but after being very shacked, i still managed to do 3. that was actaully the highlight of the week for me. went for simulation shooting too. that was another highlight. well, theoretically, my trigger squeeze sucks, but after shooting photographs for a year plus, i'm so used to the instant squeezing of the trigger that i usually apply that to my shooting as well. i mean, hey, my grouping is less than 3cm, which means my rounds are all about 3 cm or less apart from each other, even though i'm aiming at the same target. so, not bad really. haha... jus gotta work on the trigger squeeze thingy... cant wait for the next range. wheee...

cant wait for the next book out... hopefully i dun kena confinement for any shite. goin to, well, i'm not really sure which college la, but got tis contest goin on. den goin wif missy tan y... god knows why i'm goin out with her, but i cant help it.. i guess these things jus happen. i dun wan to be an ass la, but i cannot help it. we can't choose who we fall for. and itz exactly 2 mths since we first met. and if u're wonderin how i cld remember, well, i guess i remembered that exact day and what happened. and well, it was the eve of national day, and by luck, my boss sends me to that school. and so it began.

i miss sum things in life. but i guess when everytime you try to plan something and it either gets cancelled last minute or you are told they can make it only like one or 2 hours after u make new plans since they never replied for 1 day and they never return ur msges durin the same day. and after u make new plans, den they reply. and now, u jus feel lazy to ask them. so you keep quiet and they keep quiet. and well, i dunno. guess you get what you really need at every moment. and if u dun get it, you most probably didnt need it.

ouh ya, did i blog abt buyin a new cam last week? i guess not... haha... bought the canon ixus 50 last week... the lil baby is not as great as khelena, buy hey, it fits into almost any pocket i haf... so tat will be for the really fast snaps or rather, where i need to take a quick pic... so now, i'm back to bein the poor state, which i was emacipated from last month.

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