the souls we can hurt the most

the souls we can hurt the most is the soul we are predestined to entwine our souls with. jus whether we make or break is the big question. and gal, may we never haf an ego too big to make up wif one another.. seems as if our friendship deepened cos of all the misunderstandings we haf. tis one goes out to you k.

tomz gettin my black mus mobile... or in simpler terms, the mazda 3. and guess wat.. itz sfx... the licence plate i've been dreaming of. sfx = sound effects = most probly sound guy... haha..

nice surprise to see u, ms "7 years of bad luck" or jus simply, herga.. hehe... yea, still haf the pics... jus add me... zalais85@hotmail.com... den can pass u the pics...

week's been hectic. mon got stood up(kind of), den met up again on tues, den wed had dinner wif roz, den jus now went to tis jazz band club wif yan and later met up wif amounrat for a while... been like wat, 3 years plus since i last met her...

my babysitter's in hospital currently. so gonna visit her tomz or rather later today.

jus bought a maroon 5 and joss stone cd for 9.90 each... china version though... but itz still the same cd.. wheeeee... only james blunt left... only heard one song but i'm sure got laods more... how could anyone sing a sad song wif an upbeat music and still make it sound very sad... sighs... impressive.. yes yes i'm still emo boy in disguise... still a sucker for sad music.

wld kissing a friend make everything different
does holding hands change anything
is it possible to be physically close while bein emotionally distant?
wat makes a gal want to hold a guy's hands?
wat makes a guy want to hold a gals hands?
wat happened if a female wrote the holy books. wld eve be made first?

if i dun remember anythin, i only remembered how ur waist felt like.
and it was a different feeling to hold hands which are of the same size.

falls on me

sumtimes i tink i'm easily satisfied... a lil here and there... i dun expect myself to think and reflect on life... i live each day and end each day easily... i feel very little for others... i think less and use my mind to figure out complex mathematical problems lesser too... i rely on creative juice to make sure i work less and use the least effort... sumtimes i tink i misuse my brainpower. i know sumthin but still ask jus so that i do not think. but movies still make me think. and so does facing a problem in which i haf to solve. i'm less emo cos i dun haf time to be emo.

i dun feel much. which makes me very not opinionated. cos personally, i dun see anythin wrong. as unemphatatic as it sounds, it really doesn't bother me. bad service? i paid for my food. and if u dun gif a fuck, i dun gif a fuck and will jus walk away. which makes me wonder. wat if i go out wif sum1 who gives a geat deal abt service. wld she see me as uncaring or unloving of her? when i see it as, okie la, nuthin big. wld the great difference be enough to break us apart?

a few nites ago, me, ed and duck went out and smoked sheesha. i guess all the years of keepin secrets finally got the better of me. had to tell him abt k at sum point of time. and i guess it had to be after 8 years of knowin him. den there was duck. finally dared to tell her another thing. lost too many friends because i took the risk of telling them without expectin anythin in return.

so now, sumtimes i dunno y me and khai never talked abt anythin philosophical? we never challenged each other mentally... we never dared mention anythin further than guys and gals, and everythin in between... especially when we cld talk more... especially when we both cld talk deeper... but we never did... maybe i'm jus lazy to think. maybe, we dun dare to venture futher out anymore. maybe we jus never hung out much. maybe we jus never asked the questions... sighs... okie, as u can see, i'm feelin EMO already... and i'm askin loads of question... i realise why the poor ever became philosophers... they haf no freakin time to waste on thinking about stuff which won't bring food to the freaking table. only when u haf time to kill do u start thinking about life..

fallirnazation

was listening to ironic by alanis morsette before noticing tis malay gal in a miniskirt sittin in front of me. next to her was tis lil gal in madrasah uniform. so as she got up, ahem la...and tis lil gal held her hands and talked to her. talk abt ironic. it was beige in case u were wonderin. anyways, saw ah jia, amin from tk & shaika while setting up the show for library's opening... and yes, to all the turtles livin under the rock, the new library@ bugis is OPENED!!!!!!!!! which means, i can check out the arty & design gals... haha... oh well... today saw tis gal in tudung wif the tightest of jeans. won't say anythin since i haf fallen for one early tis year. my most dangerous go out wif friend. for she was attached. though i never did ask her out anymore after i knew she was attached. she did most of the askin out.

so today i tink i haf maybe fallen. never tot i cld smile at a sms sent... but i did. i mean, i did haf a slight crush on her before, but we never had any contact and so she fizzled. den now, well, i dunno. i guess i kinda gotten back the crush. sighs... havent asked her out though. not counting all our hectic schedule. but i dunno. sumtimes i dun like sms cos u're never sure whether wat she types is jus how she is or whether ere's sumthin more. goddammit... met a few ppl who are jus the way they are even if they sent out the wrong signals unintentionally... well, actually to count, itz jus 2 la... but still.

so i'm back to my irritatin self to gain attention. i disturb and be mean, in a nice way though... hehe...

i guess i jus cant forget her eyes... if i forgot everything else, i wld only remember the almond shaped eyes... or at least a beautifully made-up eyes...

anyways, u all SHOULD watch crash... if itz still showing...

y do we say one thing but mean the other?
y is it easier to do things which hurt other ppl?
y do we fall only to get up and fall again?
y do we rather wan to feel hurt and pain than stay in the comfort zone?
y do i fall for ppl i'll never be more than jus friends?
y do i always fall for attached ppl?


anyways, got a zen micro 20 gig for 369!!!!! wheeeeee.... now itz a really small player... and when they said micro, they really meant micro... haha...

and oh yea, i miss holding hands wif ya!!! even if we're jus friends...

and tat means if i start tryin to go out wif the gal i haf a crush on, i'll haf to stop though... hehe...

arrrghhhh... sumtimes itz weird... even as i took pics wif other(hot gals, well, actually it was jus one & she's quite tactile too) at baybeats, my mind keeps flyin to ya... and speaking of tat, i met another crush.. or rather dream gal(literally)... but i dunno y... i didnt want to talk to her. so we jus exchanged pleasantries... and after a few minutes, i said i had to go off even if i had no where to go. i dunno, i guess it was easier leavin her than talkin to her and pretending i dun feel anythin at all... even when all i wanted to do was stand there for as long as i could, i ran away. though she wore too much make up.

so now, i'm working like crazy... and i'm kinda broke again... i still owe a lot of ppl photos, i now haf a crush, got a job which makes me perspire like crazy, but meant travelling around singapore. actaully, not much la... lately been doin school shows in the east... and if i haf a choice to send my child to a primary school currently... it would be a tough fight between poi ching and loyang... oh man, the food was great and the teachers are hot... hehe... cant help myself, sumtimes the scenery is jus too nice to miss... but only a mini crush on tis teacher... hehe...

so, i guess i'm jus reliving my primary school days... was the food really tat bad?
i dunnno... still remembered i opened my unofficial stall sellin western food... which was basically fried and hotdogs and nuggets... it was my only business i ever did... sighs... which brings me to more depressing stories abt tis gal i had a crush on in primary 1. oh well... i guess it was easier tat we never talked.