flabbergastation of the lost feeling

is it possible to fall for 2 gals u met in the week and an old flame all within a space of 4 days?? well, i sure as hell did and wondered how in the world did i manage to do tat?? so yea,, god knows how tat happened... after god knows how many months of no one fillin my mind..

arrghhh..

had a slack week tis week.. since i cleared ippt wif gold and SOC.. so they had a few re test and i jus did fatigue work.. and i'm tellin ya.. fatigue work is really tiring.. since we had to sit and wait for a while.. as everyone else prepares themselves.. after goin thru 3 coys, i hope i get to make the next coy i go to just kind of like A coy.. i mean, they examplifies the no time wastage on waiting.. and the fav phrase wait to rush rush to wait is almost down to 1% only.. which is quite a feat..

spent yesterday wif sri and a whole bunch or others.. sri, shida, hendra, a few others i can remember, hannie & chuck(whom i cant recognise at all and gave a blank face when asked if i remembered her... BUT.. i did remember drivin her manual car(which i didnt stalled) in skol before.. and there was the loudest shouts of screams i have ever heard.. i'm quite a safe driver wat... *grins* at least i AM NOW...

so here's a poem i managed to churn out late last nite

with tears in her eyes
she fights back the pain
forgetting the painful lies
and all that he has said

she stares at the blank space
forcing herself to suck in those tears
as i stare at her eyes and face
those tears retracts back from the frontiers

and she smiles again
wearing back the composed mask
hiding all her anguishes and pain
but no one dared to ask

Flickr account is up!!!

yeay.. finally got the flickr account up.. still on itz way of uploading more pics.. but for now, almost all of the pics i took for DYL is up ere already.. might take one or 2 more days before i get everythin up and running.. and for those wif a flickr account, jus add me!

hmmmm, went out wif duck and her luge mates on thurs.. i ended up playin battlefield with them in the end.. is a farking fun game... especially when u are doin it in real life too.. if i do get sent to unit, must make my men play tat game too.. haha.. the US marines uses matador too as their LAW..

den on friday was out wif dila, den her bro and nikman joined in at night.. it was a very eventful day and night and even more in the morning.. haha.. went to catch a movie first... transamerica.. though was hoping for more, i did not get a very good understanding of the psychological make up of what make them undergo.. itz quite simplified to say i was born like tat.. even i cld jus say it.. but wld haf enjoyed it more if it went deeper into depth of the character rather than lettin us accept.. i mean, in real life, tats jus at i wld do cos i cant be bothered to noe why... but when u're in a movie, i expected a lil more than jus tat.. oh well.. saw wayyyyyy to many dicks... and a pair of man boobs.. i'm like wtf??? the only savin grace fro my eyes was his sister sydney.. haha..

after movie, went to smoke sheesha.. haha.. cldn't help it.. in the end, i smoked alone cos she didnt like it anyway.. tat day, i learnt tat it wasn't my imagination who was feeling she emitted jolts of electricity sensation.. but she actaully does it naturally.. not tat she can shock you la, though i'm sure she can.. haha.. most prob u're readin tis dils.. but it feels like electricity.. not tat i was shocked by electricity before too.. haha.. and she felt my warm energy.. haha
re readin it again, it sounds like an erotic story.. haha.. but itz cool tat it didnt abandon me after a while.. wat i enjoyed most is the ease of conversation..

so den went to east coast where i tried driving her car for a while.. so round and round east coast i went till her bro called to say he was bored.. so went to pick him up and den went to pick nikman up after he booked out.. haha.. long time since i last saw him.. okie, well a few weeks isn't tat long, but yea.. den we went to orchard again.. haha.. so from orchard, walked to cineleisure to play arcade for a while.. and walked to hilton and walked back.. den we drove to simpang to eat.. so after eating, guess wat??? her freaking licence plate in front was missing.. plus a few scratches on the bumper and front.. but only the bottom half.. coming to the conclusion of sum basket bikers, we cursed and swore a bit, got worried here and there.. comforting each other for a while, and we were on our way home...

so a tribute to soldiers who have fought wars and killed enemies..

i watch black hawk down a few days ago.. it struck me as a very real movie.. considerin i was doing the same thing, wif the knee guards and all the same weapons.. but wat struck me the most was the killings.. if we just shoot and kill the enemies without actually seeing the death and destruction we have created, itz easy to go back home and not think about anything. cos we managed to distant ourselves from the actual killings.. and our conscious is almsot clear without us fretting and worrying abt the death of the enemy... which makes killing very easy.. even if itz by accident.. but wat if u had to choose to shoot an enemy right in front of you? an enemy who is unarmed and untrained.. but if left to live, he will betray ur location.. so u point ur rifle in front of him and you shoot.. now tats when shit happens.. ur conscious gets the better of you and you think about it all the time.. ur mind replays the last image.. the image of it almost begging for mercy to live.. the image jus prior to you squeezing the trigger.. it haunts you.. and you think of all the what ifs.. what if you jus take him as a prisoner.. every scenario comes to ur head..

so now i pose the question? who suffers more? the one who kills tens of ppl from afar and never have any close contact with the dead or the one who kills one who was so close in proximity to him? i wld say, the one who killed one. and if u had the choice to kill the one, wld u stay on or leave immediately after that.. and if it was me, i wld leave, even though my conscious screams for me to stay on and make a proper burial for him. so now we are left with another moral dilemma. to treat him human or to treat him as an enemy and let other ppl to bury him later when they move past his body? questions we never ask ourselves. questions which i will ask my men when we're bored.. and see the cultural differences.. and our beliefs...

ended BSLC

sighs

i tink i tink too much.. here's the first few random tots tat i cld recall... these are extracted from tots thru the mths and may not reflect accurately the present...

i ain't pickin up the phone no more.. maybe i tink ere's no more to it.i cld breathe easier and i cld live easier.. but wats the use? jus before i left golf coy, i noticed the mattress i was sleepin on was named lily sumthin.. and tis song tiger lily by matchbook romance pops into my head.. minus the fact that she likes lilies. and the song, well, it kinda sumamrise wat i'm feeling rite now abt her...

"We drive tonight
and you are by my side
we're talking about our lives
like we've known each other forever
time flies by
with the sound of your voice
its close to paradise
with the end surely near
and if I could only stop the car and
hold onto you
never let go
I'll never let go
as we round the corner to your house
you turned to me and said
"I'll be going through withdrawl of you
for this one night we have spent"
and I want to speak these words but I guess
I'll just bite my tongue
and except someday, somehow
as the words that we'll hang from
And I,
I don't want to speak these words
cause I,
I don't want to make things any worse
Why does tonight have to end
Why don't we hit restart and pause it at our favorite parts
we'll skip the goodbyes
If I had it my way
I'l turn the car around
and run away
just you and I"
~tiger lily - matchbook romance~

so i continue to push her away from my mind... cos i dunno... maybe we rarely had much to talk abt. ere were always quiet moments which seemed like forever.. uncomfortable silences...

so i look back again and realise the only ones whom i cld talk to are attached... where conversation flowed easily and ere were comfortable silence.. ere was even one whom i knew electricity flowed between skins.. maybe itz jus me la.. but u dun get tat almost every time.. so yea.. enuf bout that...

so ended BSLC... still stuck in ASLC.. not the place i wld haf rather gone to though.. but oh well.. we make do with watever we get.. sighs... another 3 mths here in pasir laba.. arrghhh... freakin far.. the environment seem quite okie.. at least we got freakin vending machines!!

on the 28th of FEB '06.. we witnessed the burying of SISPEC's time capsule.. we spent the whole day in camp and we sang and clapped once the capsule is buried.. wat more can i say?? besides the 2 rehearsals we had to do just tat..

still suffering from the left arm being pulled sensation on and off... sighs.. wonder when is it gonna go away..

jus bought tis game called sacred... quite fun actually.. sumthin like diablo style... well, it was only 20 bucks... so wat the hell...

hopefully my plans tis week is not cancelled.. still haf to tink of wat to do on friday..