Thursday, April 26, 2007

i made another blog.. itz called itz goin to be my poetry blog.. wheeee... now to korek-korek all my poems.. the link is under "his heart and soul" button on ur right.. haha.. den where, ur left?

Monday, April 23, 2007

a beautiful movie

last night, i had the most happiest of dreams.. not really happy, but it was a beautiful one, where i patched up a grave mistake and it was back to being normal again.. the smiles, the same feelings were intact.. as if, it never really left me.. i was elated again, jus like i was a few months back.. but sadly, as usual, it was jus a dream.. though y cant i realise it was a dream, den i would have jus made the same mistakes again, since it cant be better.. so i rectified a lot of what i did wrong.. hopin to start afresh.. i guess we are all hoping to start with a clean slate.. to start all over and not relive the mistakes, though we will make new ones, but at least it was another shot.. another shot where maybe, the feelings would jus evaporate, and no one knows y.. but anyways, so there, it remained in the world of dreams and imagery.. nothing real ever happens.. and god dun say i never tried.. maybe not too hard.. i guess, i usually let the other party continue, i walk half way, and if they dun meet me at the halfway point, den i'll jus turn back.. maybe tats the problem.. i dun go all the way and den bring them all the way back.. hmmmm

asphalt and rubber

todae i experienced the joy of mixing rubber with asphalt.. okie, so now the roads are not made wif tat much asphalt, but still.. after a few days of refraining from sittin on my bike, after i cleaned it up.. sheesh.. leave it in the multi story carpark for jus one month and guess wat, spiders started making itself at home.. and i was like, dang, how come so many cobwebs all around.. sighs.. haha.. well, i took like half a day cleanin the dan thing up.. but ouh well, the darn spark plug was bein a bitch.. at least, it didnt died on the expressway.. lucky jus abt to leave the petrol station.. so made a quick pit stop and off to the.. erm, okie, wats the like a bridge near the seletar airbase again? well, yea, there.. i dunno, been my recluse.. it was ere when i spent my last day of army virginity, it was there when i felt like ridin but had no where to go and it was there tat i jus spent like half an hour, jus to stare at nothing and no tots ran through my head.. hey, for sumone who thinks too much for his own good, it was an almost surreal feeling.. so i jus stared blankly at the waters, its rippples jus have this weird soothing sense about it.. okie, so i seem to love to be besides water.. but ouh well, and den the rode back was a lil weird.. i sped like i have never done before.. okie, maybe i haf gone faster than jus now la, but todae, it was running like, to put it as i love to say, in full syncro.. itz like when the noise the darn bikes make becomes soothin, almost smooth.. and my mirror dun do any 360 spin anymore.. where the road becomes a bit blurry, but u noe itz still there.. for some weird reason, it felt really good.. jus the tyres and road and friction keeping me alive and i depended on nothing else.. well, cept myself la..

drivin has never made me feel tis way.. maybe cos like drivin was much more soothing than ridin i guess.. when i drive, esp when it was a trip to no where, there's a calm serenity about it.. i can go auto and drive.. but for a bike, u cant really go auto.. u haf to become one.. okie, tis is quite crappy la, but random tots running thru my head.. feelin elated a bit.. i mean, never expected it but itz a nice surprise to get a message, no matter how impersonal it was.. and my glove is tearin apart.. haha, minus the fact of my nails.. which reminds me.. i shld cut them a bit.. okie, maybe itz vanity or practical reasons but i seem to not like to cut my nails.. so i haf girly nails, but hey, ey're healthy wifout manicures.. haha.. though.. hmmm.. nahhhh.. nvm.. okie, i haf always had tis urge to go for one.. but u noe, no reason yet to go.. and the army is evil to anything beautiful.. even if i did go, it wld be ruined.. hmm.. wait a min, now i'm talkin like a gal.. time to go cut my nails..

den finally gave fana her pooh which was like wayyyy overdued.. haha.. hope the wait was worth it.. hey, i did win it but tis shootin game which i became addicted to in taiwan.. itz the airgun and u shoot the balloons to win.. only tried the handguns one.. okie, so i always had a fascination wif hand guns.. esp the, okie, dunno wat itz called but itz the black one, semi auto, and like when u shoot, the round comes out and the bolt goes back.. hmmm, sounds like all the other hand guns huh? well, here's to more random tots.. and i tink i'm gettin the thrill of writing again.. hmmm, the exponential factors.. less time in camp, more ideas flow.. i guess it is true that the helmet makes u dumber than usual.. ouh well, maybe jus less opportunity to write i guess..

met up wif shaq, fana, izad and nordin(is tat how u spell ur name?).. itz been a while really.. jus lepak bawa block.. i guess if i never moved, i wld haf been lepakin wif em ever since 6 mth ago la.. but ouh well, and itz like wat?10 mths already in my last camp? how time flies.. i vaguely remembered the first time i stepped into the camp.. the dred and everyone tryin to be positive but inside, we really felt like shit.. and how "on" we were.. den as time goes by, bein "on" meant gettin more shit and so everyone slackened.. i guess tis is the worst/best disease ever tat happens in the workplace.. the more hardworkin u are, the more things you get.. tat depends if u are doin wat u love or hate.. itz like, the more shit job u do, the more the shit piles.. but like, if u're doin sumthin u love, the more u do, the better u get and u feel dammmm gooddd.. i guess i love to make mistakes but dun like the unreasonable punishments i could get.. itz like, i'm fuckin doin ppl's job and if i do a mistake, ere goes the weekend.. i mean, i'm okie coverin duties for ppl, esp guard duties.. but after one incident, all i noe is tat i swore i wld never do another person's duty.. i kena cheated la since he told me,albeit mispronouncing it a bit ambiguously.. i heard him say guard 3 but i tink he said guard c.. so ere, i was sodomised but tis fat ass contradictory staff.. he follows by the book, or so he says but he breaks them almost all at once.. same goes for COS duties.. before tat, i didnt mind doin ppl's duties.. but after a few of them gettin fucked for like nothing, or so in the name of "not doin ur duties".. i mean, hell, even encik haf a hard time gettin ppl, wat more the freakin 3rd sergeant, who's like abt 3 rank below?? and to do shit job.. i mean, da la nak get volunteers susah nak mampos, den do shit job which no ones wants to do.. itz the UNWILLING DOING THE UNWANTED.. but i do salute to those who do it.. cos they are really the ones runnin the show here.. and here, i go kudos to my section.. aka the sai kang section and me the sai kang sect commander.. so after almost 10 mth, i realised i have regressed.. i wld rather lock myself up than be seen.. cos the law of arrowin is as follow, if u are unlucky enuf to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, den u're arrowed.. and in order not to be arrowed, it means bein stealthy, offing ur phone or never pickin up any calls.. which den makes encik pissed off.. but hey, either he's pissed at everyone or we're pissed at everyone.. i mean, jus make one person pissed la better than everyone.. so there, inefficiency rules the workplace.. and like, hey of course la we become less efficient.. shldnt the one paid more do more work? esp when the appointment is the same?? i mean, sure, we all have different roles to play when holdin different appointments, but shldnt the same appointment be doin work fairly, esp when they are paid more? so like, sure la, worker and manager get diff pay for diff work commitment.. but wldnt u get pissed if two managers, one lowly paid and the other higher paid, but supposed to the same dang thing.. and the lowly paid does most of the job? of course la efficiency wld drop dramatically unless he has other motivating factor.. and like, the lowly ones always kena the scolding when we are tryin our best not to screw anything up and the higher up screws things up, but ey dun get much of an earful?? okie, so finally i'm pourin up.. i guess it has become a sad workplace.. which is y i cant really wait to leave.. and do sumthin which i might haf to do shit work but in a way, i get experience to be better.. cos we need groundwork to do the topwork i guess.. tats jus me la, let me make mistakes but scolding is fine, cos i will learn from it.. call me the perfectionist who needs to fuck up and a conducive environment, cos it is a learnin process..

sure, i learnt responsibility in the army.. but hey, tis responsibility comes wif a price.. and why does it suck? cos if u sign sumthin out, the thing is tat, u dun even handle most of it and haf to redistribute it out.. den like everyone else dun give a shite abt losing those things.. den if anything is lost, the scapegoat aka the fucker sergeant who dumbly sign things out kena.. which is another main factor for the inefficiency that is omnipresent..

and i dunno y i'm dissectin all that happened in my stay.. but i guess itz nice to let it out a bit..

till the next long post..

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

the mountainous lies

holy crap.. i haf jus realised tat itz been a while since i last updated.. i had a million things on my mind since my last visit to R.O.C..

well, the weather wasnt so nice.. it was like freezing.. sumtimes, we endured temperatures of 13 degrees C.. and the cold wind blowing thru you.. so lets start from the first day.. the first day of mountain climbin was a nice one, cold wind, unbuttoned shirt(at least mine was).. it was a great climb, the cold winds ensured my body never got overheated, the mixed drinks provided me wif unknown energy reserve in my body and all was well.. so the 2nd time i climbed, it was ok, a bit more tired than the first but the most exciting is when i lost one of my point man, my only point man tat is.. suddenly he was lost and after abt 2 km ahead, when i checked, he was gone.. so back tracked all the way, nearly to the summit of the mountain*we jus called it the pylon*.. and thankfully i chose the right path at a y junction.. tats when i walked past him and suddenly i heard a crackle in the grass behind me.. me and my ps turned, jus rooted to the spot, wif our torch shining at the general direction.. it stopped for a milisecond and continued.. out body stiffened and ready to face wat ever creature tat was moving.. we called out his name, no response.. for some reason, we stepped towards the sound even though we were scared shit.. i promise i wont make fun of the dumb characters in scary movies if they start moving towards sounds which are potentially dangerous and we know it, they know it, but the body sumtimes refuses to acknowledge the fear but embraces curiosity.. den suddenly we saw a dark figure sitting up.. to tell the truth, i tot which god dam vampire or wat suddenly woke up from his slumber and is ready to suck me dry.. but it turned out to be him.. and god dam i was relieved.. my worst fear was tat he fell and is now lying unconscious or he was kidnapped.. since ere was like a few abandoned houses ard the track tat we trekked.. so, after abt 2 hours of searching for him, we finally found him..

so next milestone.. climbing the same pylon route.. it was the first time i was completely exhausted.. both mentally and physically.. i slowed down a lot, took my own rests when the rest moved.. it was a low point in the trip.. for some weird reason, my legs refuses to cooperate and gets tired very easily.. den i knew i was doomed.. i was in praying position as i cldnt climb up.. i worshipped the ground abt at least 4 times as my whole body gave way to the weight.. but the strongest team member, haider was ere to the rescue... he took my pack and his and jus siad lets go and i climbed.. i was ere to give up, but if he cld carry 2 bags, y cant i jus carry myeslf.. it was almost inspirational.. and den a few moments later, i was carryin my own bags and him pulling me up by pulling my hands.. and i must say, it worked wonders to my body.. i jus gave in to the pull and pushed myself ahead.. and i knew, at tat moment, tears were jus rolling down my eyes.. cos at the brink of exhaustion and givin up, i was given the most precious inspiration, hope.. hope tat i will reach the top.. okie so tat aside..

on my birthday, i climbed another mountain.. it was better though.. i was more inspired and sumwat more energetic than before.. but tats not the point.. ouh well, we reached the next obstacle.. and i nearly got the best birthday present.. i was the last 2 survivor.. me and my commando.. though sadly we both "died" at the expense of some dumb simulated vehicle role play.. tat was my most pissed off moment.. i was nearly a hero.. well, nearly.. me, arie and haider was the last 3 survivors before the vehicle wiped us out and den left.. and nuthin happened to it.. i was soooo pissed.. but ouh well.. it wasnt a good day.. but wth.. it was over..

and the next 13 days later, it was best forgotten.. but i learnt tat i get irritated easily when ppl become lazy doin duties.. i mean, we all gotta sleep and all, but must guard ourselves wat.. dunno wat will happen if all sleep and leave all our things ard.. tat was the day i gave up on ppl.. but after sulkin a bit, i rejoined em.. i guess i'm jus like tat.. if i'm not happy wif ya, jus leave me alone for a bit and all is forgotten.. at least the angry part is.. itz like, a memory but wif no feelings.. like i remember the incident, but i forgot the feeling.. itz kinda good cos makes me forgive easily and not hold a grudge against ya.. not unless i really really dun like ya..

my cash got stunned.. lost like 300 plus sing.. goddammit.. but luckily the rest of the stuff was intact..sighs..

so whee.. comes the amusement park moments now.. i took like almost every ride i never took and my fav ones too.. and "free-falling" on ur seat was jus almost the most exhilarating moment i cld ever haf.. it was called the "UFO".. okie, so i'll admit it, after it climbed abt 60metres up, i was wonderin wat the hell am i doin on this dumb chair and tat which is goin to drop me down 80metres.. i was scared shit but i loved every moment of it.. esp when it suddenly dropped.. it was the combination of fear and embracing it till i can like look down.. okie, after half a second, den i was brave to look down and embrace the exciting part for abt 3 seconds before it was all over..

den ere was tis other ride called the screeching condour.. okie, so i didnt take pic of it cos my batt was dead.. kinda.. i did get a pic wif the gal i sat next to.. haha.. she was kinda cute in a nerdy way.. ouh well.. but dang.. her bf was a wuss.. okie,so after i took the pic wif her, den went up.. cos the entrance was at the basement.. but a bit like a rabun moment before i took the pic.. cos ere was a place to put my specs in la.. den after the ride, we both were lookin for my specs even though we both looked for it at the same spot, we both didnt notice it.. haha.. den finally found it and took a pic wif her.. when we got up, her bf picked her up.. i was like, dang.. almost like de ja vu.. wats wif me and attached personnels?? but really, her bf must haf been a wuss since he jus left her to take the ride alone.. and y i was alone? cos jazman had 2nd tots on riding the ride and left me, haider and khai when we went down.. den i turned behind and was like, eh, where's jazman?? den we looked up and he was up ere waving to us and smilin.. ouh well, it all happened for a reason.. and the ride wasnt really scary as it seemed..

den we took tis water rife where like the 6 of us were on tis raft and we went thru like rapids and meanders.. it was fun!! we were all tryin not to get wet by steering the "boat".. it was a circular boat.. the first one, my back got all wet.. den for the rest, i managed to steer out of the water.. it was the most fun ride cos everyone was tryin to stay dry..though my necklace broke.. the chain at least.. luckily the pendant was intact..

spent the last day shoppin the whole day.. wheee.. got an abercombie red shirt, stussy long sleeved top, adidas jacket, 2 wallets..socks, 2 collared shirt.. and tats abt it.. plus 2 soft toys i won at a balloon shootin game..

Image hosted by