Monday, June 26, 2006

spirit link

somehow, i wonder what is the name when someone can feel how another person feels when they're miles apart and haven been in contact, or at least dun really contact very often.. i'm pretty darn sure they haf a name for it..

so tis wld be the few moments in my life where i felt that and found out who. okie, seems strange tat itz the 2nd time(at least) tis year.. bein the 2nd one bein yesterday and after another mass message, not tat itz massive la, jus less than 6 ppl.. i found out who.. but she said she was okie at first b4 askin y i suspected it was her.. i mean, hey, ere's no suspicion,it was jus chance.. so she msged tellin me wats botherin her..

itz jus weird la how i get these feelings, how i get different goosebumps everytime i experience different things.. ere's one for ghost stories and another one for i might meet sum1 i havent met for a long time and one for unworldly presence.. or at least i believe so.. so now itz jus time to take a walk wif sum1 who can see and we'll verify tat itz true..

seems i've gone back to writing ever since i stepped onto the tracks of the national stadium.. so, after forgetting ppl's burfdays.. not tat i missed it completely, jus got the wrong date.. haha.. i still haf yet to complete the idea i had for a birthday gift.. i jus suck at lifting my embargo on anti procrastination. so here i am delayin it for 2 yrs already... so oh well..

wld you believe if i said i did grow a bit more since i enlisted in NS.. *gasps* yes, at least i feel i did.. sometime we are forced to grow cos we cant be the lil kid as we haf always been,esp when you're in charge of a few guys.. sure, as a friend u can still be tat kid.. but there will be times when u jus gotta grow up a bit faster and make decisions. decisions that will not just affect yourself, cos tats too easy.. but more stuff which will affect others.. and somehow, i dun really know if i wld make all the proper choices, but i hope i haf chosen the lesser of two evils if i had to make a bad one.. *crosses fingers*

so here's to another week of fun filled activities.. at least it keeps ur mind off mundane things and kills creativity and thought-wondering moments aways.. yet it is these very things which will keep you from remembering all the sadness and worries. the act of keeping urself busy.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

ode to the dying stadium

last week was the first time i set foot on the field of the national stadium. the rustic-ness of the stadium can never be swept under rug. its red track now sink as i step on it with the new boots. it leaves a footprint. my footprint. the leaving legacy that i was there before.

but working there sure as hell ain't no mundane business. my men keep my spirits up and i try, in turn to do likewise. sure we gossip, we poke fun at one another, and most importantly each other, we tease to release our inner tension that builds up as we do the unwanted jobs. we had to face to the realities of the mundaness and rise up to find the little fun activities so that we could have fun. and i am thankful that i have found some people who are fun to be with currently. so now, i have to try to find out more abt the rest of the guys besides the few ICs.

and sure, looking at a strict glance, they may not behave as if they respect for now, but if you look at the closer details, which luckily i managed to see before being blinded by rage, they have their boundaries in which they treat you. sure they may throw stuff at you, but u can be assured itz jus to make contact with you. i guess itz their way and i'm learning as the days go by. i jus now have to try and see if i could reach out with the others who are quieter, just like me.

this whole week has been the greatest lessons on humility. the things we do to make up for our wrong doings, like not having enough food. it reminds me of the little treats that we have to give out to maybe jus tip the scale of suffering. and no one better to learn it than from dennis himself. jus the act of taking his own food from his locker to distribute among the men, prompted me to do the same. so, oh well, didnt have much but luckily still had those lil snickers bar.. and i realise i like to hand in surprises if i can. so ere i was planting the bars under their shirt, by their specs and slipping out just like santa clause. and it really does make u feel a lil better that they're gonna wake up to that surprise. sure some woke up the moment i step in, but hey, we cant all be perfect ninjas.

but yea, the ndp thingy sure made me feel a lil closer to the platoon. well, maybe jus the malay guys. which is another weird thing since i joined tis unit. i actaully talked more malay than i ever had in my whole poly life. so yea, a darn strange thing.

but it still troubles me to see how i could lead them on the field itself. and i have to remind myself that sometimes, when times are hard and you just feel like giving up, there will always be another guy who would rise up and take the lead for a while, giving you a much needed break, and i'm talking about the men themselves. i just hope i lead them, hand in hand, to an end where they could remember it as when their leader never gave up hope on them and would always walk beside them or in front of them. where they remember more memories than dispises.

so now i'm back to find this new gream girl.. though most of the time, we will just met by accident... her name's hisha(or sumthin equivalent).. i aint got no idea how she really looks like and the only thing i could be sure of is that the only conversation we ever had was me tryin to find out her no. and she said she cant give me cos she's workin, but she rounds the counter and walked away from it, and gave me her no.(tats cos i forgot whether she wrote it down how she passed me her no).. and that was it. so this wld be a bit harder than the first one where i actually knew another person in this dream. at least the 2nd one was a bit more detailed.. so now the mysterious third one.. wonders when will i actually meet her.. so here's the possible names.. hisha, aisyah, isha.. oh yea, and when i saaw her name tag, i asked if it was really spelled as "hisha" and i did a wave and said my name. so tat was it. hmmmmmmm...

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