Wednesday, June 09, 2004

i broke my bro's wishes

i am really in a melancholy mood today... i dunno.. maybe the weather just suits me fine... itz wet, i'm feelin low and cold... i dunno... itz jus one of those days where u just keep writing and poems(which dun really ryhme) will just pour out of u.. i wrote about 4 pages in my poem book... i mean, i dun wanna rush things... i would like to know her better and all... i mean what's love without friendship... but the problem is when u confess a love too early, all the other party might think is that you want to love first without getting to know one another... i mean itz a pretty fine line when u tell someone u like her after u've been friends for quite a while and, when u want to get to know her... i guess if u say the wrong phrase, she might take it the wrong way and all... and that sucks... when wat u say and what you mean are two different things... and now as i'm writing, i'm rethinking of what this really means to me... i mean, all things brings us to a lesson.. and as what my SM said so....(arrgh... i forgot the word)... so ominiously todae jus before the show, she told me that every show brings about a lesson and asked me what i learnt today... if i have to tell her this... i'll say... never confess your love too early even if a direct question was asked to you by the girl u like... it just brings about complications.... haiz...

as i'm writing this, i'm msging the girl... minus the fact she msged me for the first time first... i guess whe u're not feeling ur self, it jus shows... i guess i was surprised to get a msg from her... minus the fact that she havent msg me before for a few days... okie, so itz just since sunday... but the only really important thing i want now is for us to be friends... i guess we'll have to see what happens then... for come what may... at least for the very first time, i could say i nave no regrets about what i did rahter than all the regrets tat i never did anything... i guess the train part is right... i think itz the train one, or was it the bus stop... that i have grown or rather reached some new level in my emotional thingy... so yea... though u gotta forgive me for ma naiveness...

here's one of the poems (or at least part of it)

Even if God had spoken before
those were never really so important
that i began to seek his visions
i let nature and God take its course
But i do fear this takes top priority
yet i question hte divinity of my intervention
Question if i should let go and see what happens
But i have always done that and look where it brought me

here's a few more new lines tat i jus came up with:

maybe that's where i 'm supposed to be
i was supposed to fail to know
and to fail to soften my heart
and made it breakable before venturing into the new world
i guess i have always had an unbreakable heart
people were too unimportant to me
but now as i stand at the crossroad
where i would take the new path of fragility
rather than the sturdy road of the past....

anyways, against my bro's wishes, i did tell her of my blog... it feels just like a scene from Cruel Intentions... where Sebastion gives Anette(how how i fell in love with reese during that movie... haha) his diary, where no more lies are kept... though she tells me she won't read it... i guess i doesn't really matter... but silence is a dangerous thing... for it could have millions of meanings which you do not intend to send, or rather u never had the intention of showing at all because you don feel it in teh first place... i guess her messages were an eye opener to what i told her and the wrong meaning came out... haiz... i guess if i had to talked to her these words, it would have came out worst...

and kesh, thanks for ur comfort... never failed to bring me some basket of comfort... and to my bro... who's never there but always there... miss u two... and i guess i wuold have to thank my bro for bringing kesh into my life... u guys know what i mean... =) if u dun, hope u dun take it the wrong way... haha...

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

elpicklesaur wrote:
i can kill the both of you! you have blogs and u didnt tell me?! eddie u wait till u come back.. haha.. nice blog.. my 2cents worth? ah.. love is a funny thing.. but i guess, ure free to love anyone u want. what's important is: u love with all ur heart. be true to urself. even if it's not reciprocated.. at least down the road when u look back at ur life, u can say: hey, ive loved before and it felt great to be alive. hah! ok? ok! well till then sweetie, see u on friday!

2:46 PM  
Blogger miss keshia ; said...

no problem at all, shar (: i still care for you and all, even if we haven't met nor talked for ages. &yes, i do get what you mean :p of course i won't take it the wrong way; in a way eddie brought you to me as well, soooo. (: take care alrights.

11:51 PM  
Blogger kawan_kawan said...

Like, since all of you keep mentioning my name, its but inevitable for me to pop up here aye? =) Well what a reunion! =) Haha.. Anyway, Shar, don't worry about it. Here's a new analogy: chasing a girl is sometimes like painting a picture - you find lil bits of should-have-done-that-insteads and you try to add lil bits of touch-ups, but in the end you might end up spoiling the picture when it was already just nice in the first place. Quick summary: since you both want to be friends, then be friends lar...don't need to worry about feelings as of yet =) Take care mate.

12:42 PM  

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