falls on me

sumtimes i tink i'm easily satisfied... a lil here and there... i dun expect myself to think and reflect on life... i live each day and end each day easily... i feel very little for others... i think less and use my mind to figure out complex mathematical problems lesser too... i rely on creative juice to make sure i work less and use the least effort... sumtimes i tink i misuse my brainpower. i know sumthin but still ask jus so that i do not think. but movies still make me think. and so does facing a problem in which i haf to solve. i'm less emo cos i dun haf time to be emo.

i dun feel much. which makes me very not opinionated. cos personally, i dun see anythin wrong. as unemphatatic as it sounds, it really doesn't bother me. bad service? i paid for my food. and if u dun gif a fuck, i dun gif a fuck and will jus walk away. which makes me wonder. wat if i go out wif sum1 who gives a geat deal abt service. wld she see me as uncaring or unloving of her? when i see it as, okie la, nuthin big. wld the great difference be enough to break us apart?

a few nites ago, me, ed and duck went out and smoked sheesha. i guess all the years of keepin secrets finally got the better of me. had to tell him abt k at sum point of time. and i guess it had to be after 8 years of knowin him. den there was duck. finally dared to tell her another thing. lost too many friends because i took the risk of telling them without expectin anythin in return.

so now, sumtimes i dunno y me and khai never talked abt anythin philosophical? we never challenged each other mentally... we never dared mention anythin further than guys and gals, and everythin in between... especially when we cld talk more... especially when we both cld talk deeper... but we never did... maybe i'm jus lazy to think. maybe, we dun dare to venture futher out anymore. maybe we jus never hung out much. maybe we jus never asked the questions... sighs... okie, as u can see, i'm feelin EMO already... and i'm askin loads of question... i realise why the poor ever became philosophers... they haf no freakin time to waste on thinking about stuff which won't bring food to the freaking table. only when u haf time to kill do u start thinking about life..