Peti kayu ibuku

I now look behind on these 2 month plus and I smiled to myself. I have grown. Be it for better or worst, I have grown. I'm slowly discarding and taking old and new things in life.

to bubu D, I love you. Its not the way i imagined when i was smaller but i know deep inside its the same feeling.

I imagined that i'll be inspired to write volumes of poetry like when i do for every girl i fell for,
i'll be happy to just sit beside a person i have a crush on.
We'll look deep into each other's eyes and smile for days.
That i'll always be by ur side all day and holding hands all day.

but yea.. its not like tat now.

I cant write poetry.
i'm not satisfied to jus sit next to you. i want to hold ur hands too. =p
Looking deep into each other's eyes is not the only thing tat makes me smile all day. Have to throw in the kisses and hugs.
That i can't be by ur side all day(tats jus like stalking) and we dun jus hold hands all day, ere's other things we do too. =)

so sometimes, life's just not the way we imagined it when we were smaller.

okok, i'll stop being mushy already.

Jus finished doing the production Peti Kayu Ibuku. Met some new people, some which i have only heard of.. i.e siti h..

some i've never met before i.e the 2 mimis, mas(i'll admit it, i have no idea she's famous),rohaizad
old friends fez, irfan, shan, 'asy, shahira,jamal

yea, i enjoyed the work there.

met ducky and wan on the first nite show. too bad can't join them for supper.. also met yan, siti k.

up next, BILIK AHMAD..

ode to black

10 February 2008

this day marks the day i see a friend making his way to meet God. Khalil aka black.(i'm sure he has loads of other names). what makes it even more special was spending 1year plus with him in camp, goin on "camping trips" in the army.. during that time, esp the drive back.. i look back at how many times he saved my ass from gettin lost in the dark.. how many times he got me back to the correct way.. then i remembered the only time i cld help him.. in ROC.. he was missing from the whole battalion.. i was scared shit cos i felt he was missing.. but everyone kept telling me he's behind, he's behind.. so finally i went behind until the last man and guess what?? he told me he must be in front cos there sure can't be anyone else behind him.. so tats when i ran all the way to the front.. and me and PS searched for him.. and thank god we found him.. luckily he wasn't fast asleep.. if he was, we wldn't have found him.. cos when we walked past him, we heard a bush moved.. me and him was scared shit la cos we jus walked past an abandoned house.. den suddenly his voice came out and called us.. so we managed to bring him back safely.. i guess, maybe its better that i never got to see his face for the last time. actually, none in our section saw it.. so i guess it's best we remembered him the way we last remembered him..

go for the unknown over the known

todae i learnt i have to turn down a promotion for something which i have always enjoyed but no real guarantee that it will come.. yea, dang.. i guess i jus cldn't take the supervisor role at my workplace cos my heart is still where i have placed it.. up to be besides the sound systems of live shows.. aiya.. sumtimes i wonder if its really worth it or not.. but i always convince myself otherwise cos of the way i handle sound works wif ease even if i haven't touched it for a year plus plus.. i'm still amazed those things have never left me.. its as if i never stopped using it..

so reject the offer as it stands.. though i'm already doin part of it.. i like saje saje aje close the account and do some of the paperwork.. i guess i'm still a bit of a status ego.. i jus cldnt be the delivery guy.. i wan to be the deliver guy and also action action be the sup.. haha.. like real aje.. i guess sometimes u jus cant help but wan to be the best and show it.. but i already decided to stop the work in search of something which i have no confirmation tat i can stay in the line.. but ouh well.. better to go for the unknown in place of the known while you're still young.. maybe when i have more responsibilities, den i guess i have to go for the known and safe rather than the unknown and dangerous.. but as for now, its jus me for myself..


what have you gambled todae?

the outside of inside

my mind's in a daze.. heroes has a profound effect on me. and wat haf u with what haida showed me online yesternite.. i began to think abt it, and how was it all connected.. like how i hit off with cancerians really really well.. my risin sign is cancer.. haha.. not tat it has any link but it does help me to make sense of the ppl i met and all.. my encounters with leos has been disasterous previouly.. i make good fwens with pisces and cancerians.. sorry my bloody bro.. i noe u're a scorpio, but we still get along great.. well, i'm still wonderin if i wld ever go out wif a scorpio or not.. hmmmmmmm.. anyways, my mind is filled with lots of tots which doesnt materialise into the writing world cos its all random.. but it has always been along the theme, can we escape destiny/fate..

and can we pick up the mini signs that we're supposed to follow.. some stronger than others, some more persistant than others.. and then todae, i was stonin outside the shop and i looked at my palm.. could it be true that the path in life is written on our palm? then, can we rewrite what is written there? and how do anyone noe abt the mysterious symbols written on the palms and what it means anyways?

so i jus added the cupid thingy on facebook.. and lo and behold.. i was jus curious and clicked on tis profile.. what intrigued me the most was the ankh of life hangin around her neck. why? cos it reminded me of a dream i had.. not too sure if i wrote it or not.. but in that dream, tis gal dragged me into an egyptian shop, one which i never saw before.. and i got the eye of horus.. i forgot what she got for herself though.. so, off i went on a search for a real one.. it was a pendant.. and when i was goin into the carpark, my bike died on me.. i guess at that time, i took it tat i'm supposed to be stuck there anyway.. and yes, i did get the pendant.. though the shop's already closed now..

so could it be that maybe the gal in my dream had sumthin to do with it? i guess maybe i'm just thinkin too much.. but hey, i'm at least experiencing a renaissance in writing.. its all good i guess.. and can i say, i tink death note anime is mind blowing while heroes is though provoking..

i dun hate my job, i jus hate the pay.. ouh well.. heh.. but the companionship is good.. its a fun environment la.. i guess man's the main guy keepin me sane.. if not i wld haf died of boredom.. and i guess we learn a bit from each other.. but the most interesting wld haf to be the tomato skin flower which he made when shaza and amira came to the store.. wah.. den me not to be outdone, made the napkin flower.. haha.. in the end, i must say, it was quite a display.. haha..

and i tink i'm more into the inventive side.. the time i spent workin ere, i made the cup separator, the base, the notepad.. and i tink i'm still into recycling and reusin la i guess.. haha.. i jus like inventin things i guess.. hahaha..

so look out world, for the writer is back.. haha.. yea rite...

we're a part of an elaborate plan

i've been watchin the HEROES episodes la.. and tis morn, while i was brushin my teeth, this idea suddenly came to mind.. what if all our dissapointments and sorrows are part of an elaborate plan that will work out in the end? that all our mishaps are actually things which happens so that others and we ourselves are supposed to learn..

if tats the case, den i must ride properly.. cos 2 mths ago, i was taught to ride safely. and then these past few days, i keep hearin ppl gettin into accidents, seein accidents.. now will redouble the effort..

and todae, i keep hallucinating.. i kept imaginin, i see people and figures when there could be none.. it all started yest when i was on my way to starbucks.. i cld haf sworn i saw a man with songkok.. but it was jus an electrical casing.. and todae i kept imaginin i see people when there is none..

so yesterday, i met up wif fana, halim and didi.. it was a most weird experience that i have ever had.. my memories are quite selective..

went to starbucks first before i met up wif didi.. bought a raspberry cream frap.. and the nice barista gave me a nice bag when i asked for it.. so reached YCK earlier than her.. so was havin trouble parkin the darn bike.. since it was a slope.. so i remembered, i hid the drink, and looked up and there she was, up the slope.. haha.. i was like a bit shocked to see her la.. like didnt expected her to be ere when i looked up.. i tink i forgot all tat i wanted to do and was lost for words.. but luckily she was friendly enough.. i guess i was at ease the first time i met her. it felt as if i knew her for a while already.. anyways, so we finished up the drink first b4 we head to woodlands where we're already runnin super late.. hehe.. oopss.. but i guess it was fun la..

den reached civic centre after bein abused a bit by her.. kena wacked and poked like twice or so along the way.. den met liyana in the lift.. was on her way to work.. so, since didi was scared to call fana; me, the brave one decided(by her) that i shld do the callin.. so i called halim.. hahha..

so finally we met.. den went to kfc to eat.. so some shuffling of the place we sat.. den we talked a bit.. okie. i didnt talk much.. its weird really.. and i tink i now understand how come guys find fana intimidatin.. rarely haf i met a person who exudes an aura of icy coldness and closedness and walled up-ness.. its weird how i can like chat with her on msn and sms.. and when i finally met her, i dunno wat to say.. i was lip-tied.. i tink i didnt utter more than 20 sentences.. so i dunno wat happened ere..

all i noe is tat as i went home, i was in a daze.. lost and bewildered.. and i havent recovered yet..

so, jus now came back from jln raya-in wif zul, mahathir, arie and wan.. so like 4 bikes convoy kinda thing.. it was nice la.. den on my way home, haida said she saw me on the way home.. i was already half stoned la when on the way back.. the nice cold wind caressin every inch of me.. but my mind was already numb i guess..

too numb.. and i've been gettin some faint whispers from my muse.. words formed in between my mind, jus waiting to get out..

ouh yea, jus now saw shaza and her fwen at my work place.. haha.. havent seen her for like the longest of time.. it was a nice surprise to see her la..

reddishly down

I'm gonna try the red on black font todae cos i jus felt like doin it todae.. arrghh..
i'm too on a whim kinda guy. todae feels different from yesterdae
tomorrow feels different from yesterday..
and yes, i'm no more emo me already.. sighs.. sumtimes i wondered
y i even agreed to work todae.. which means i'm gonna miss the holistic fair thingy
goin on at fort canning cos tomz i'm workin on my first passion to do sound..
wth.. i forgot abt it when i agreed to work todae.. and i sumhow misplaced 32 bucks!! dammit..
but okie la, if i try to look at it positively, got tis one house which i sent to, den tis like
kinda cute gal took the food.. den like i tink i was like flushin a bit, but lucky for my helmet..
plus all the accidental touch.. i was jus givin her the cash, den she like dun wan to take it.
but anyways, back to me losin 32 bucks.. ouh well.. but i guess i'm sumtimes too optimistically reflective. so tats y not so big an issue though.. haha.. den i did go back to her house la cos like it was the only place i cld haf lost it since i never took out the money anywhere else.. but aiya, she wasnt ere.. haha.. like a whole new set of ppl in ere seh.. like all i never see b4 one.. but at least got her mum i tink who talked to me.. the conversation went like tis..

me: assalamualaikum.. kak, tadi saye ade antar makanan.. yg adik pakai baju purple ade?
rest: pakai baju purple?
mum:ouhh.. nanti nanti.. (shuffles to the gate) ye?
me: ouh tak, tadi aganye terceceh duit kat sini.. cik nampa tak (still hopin the purple gal wld appear)
mum:ouh, takde..
me: (inside my heart, ouh dang)

den i left la.. but i tink i'm scared of my ridin tat time.. i was like a bit the siao la ridin..

anyways, argghh.. i shld never, i mean never be too trustin.. i shld only do things when i'm collected.. i shld not bother to send these food on time if i'm in a rush.. cos they dun really appreciate it.. except for a few.. the rest was like, ouh.. okies.. and i rushed for them?? siao ar, might as well save my ass first.. and i tink i like to send to chinese families better.. they're nicer anyways..

so anyways, arrgh.. i wrote too much..

okies, tis is a previous entry.. i wld like to reiterate tat i loath BMW drivers.. i was drivin my boss's car.. and it was a dam mergin lane.. so okie wat, alternate vehicle la go in.. but noooooooo.. tis dam BMW lady driver, decides to squeeze my ass.. drive beside me as the lane was mergin.. den i dun wan to lanngar her ma, so i kept to the side la.. my car was freakin half way in front of her, still wan to squeeze.. never mind.. bulan puasa, control my swearin durin drivin time.. den i tot she will slow down..nooooooooooo.. she still kept at it, even drivin on the road shoulder.. den i jus farked it, let her overtake.. dammm.. shldnt do it la.. cos in front got TP... shld haf made her drive on the shoulder and let the TP stop her.. sighs.. evil tot for a while.. and i tink i shldnt drive while fastin.. cos i haf huge urges to swear at a lot of drivers.. i tink we got lots to learn abt courtesy and abt drivin.. i mean, hey, i only start to swear if they drive recklessly.. and in my viscinity.. i.e 1 or two car ard me..

i guess sum things never change.. i dun curse and swear tat much while i'm ridin though.. except for those mofo tail gaters at the freakin 3rd lane for god's sake.. and i'm doin 80-90.. go sumwhere else and overtake la idiots.. baka neh..

i lay honesty on the table

sometimes in life, u begin to give up on some things.. cos you don't see the reward or that you feel as though no one responds to you. and slowly, you begin to qsn whether what you're doin is goin anywhere or not when the response is lukewarm at most.. and yes, now i'm beginning to wonder if she does like me at all or not.. cos sometimes, it aint very positive.. okie la.. it gets to this when u expect certain stuff.. okie, so i sumtimes expected her to ask me back how am i, expect her to ask question abt me sometimes. u noe.. jus to keep conversations last longer.. but sometimes all i get back is a ok. and i sumtimes also dunno wat to talk abt.. like it gets tiring if i keep askin the qsn and she dun seem to bother to do like wise ma.. bit by bit, the likin feelin begins to erode.. jus as a water droplet could erode a solid rock. "like" can only last for a limited time if its not nurtured.. arrghhh... confusion.. i guess i haf fallen into the trap.. sumwhere along the way i tripped and fell.. and now, i find it hard to pick myself up. only the brutal truth can help me along.

patience my dear boy.. patience.. tats what i keep telling myself.. but sometimes, it does wear u thin and you wonder, are u jus wasting your time and effort? is it goin no where.. and tat she doesnt feel the same way at all.. and all the smiles are jus a front? i dun know.. i dun tink it is.. but hey, talk is cheap.. we can flirt and talk and lie all we want, but the truth comes in action. whether we dare to go out for the first time.. i guess tat makes and breaks a lot of things sometimes.. ere i go whining again.. sighs.. bad habit sumtimes jus resurface.. time to surpress it down again..

i guess we'll jus never know till a few weeks later huh.. maybe i shldnt tink so much.. maybe i shld jus go back to my carpe diem moments.. but i guess we grow older and time grows shorter..