Wednesday, August 24, 2005

auto mode on a manual vehicle

today, i'm stoned... i'm getting by each day as i forget and grow...

this tot chanced upon me as i mused while driving. well, maybe it was inspired from the book house of sand and fog.. the book told abt kathy thinking abt this... "Sometimes I think husbands and wives, maybe they're just meant to get each other farther down the road, you know? Almost like it doesn't really matter whether they stick around for the final act. Is that a sad way to look at it?"

well, tis was wat i managed to produce... sumtimes, life brings you the people you need the most. sometimes they stick with you till the end, sometimes, they just leave you when you want them but dun need them. and u feel an emptyness, but u can still go on. cos you hold that memory that they were there when you most need it. den another person returns to haunt you when you think you've forgotten them.. for me, it has always been like tat. one person enters my life when i really need to forget about someone... and once i forget, they exit from my life... never to return... though sumtimes, no one else comes in to fill that void.

so yea, tat summarises my life of friends... sum stay on... but most of them deserts.. and we drift apart... but thankfully, sum of them, we could jus resume where we left and feel as though no time was spent apart.

though, on a thursday it was just a day like that. i seem to want to forget, and hang out with friends. and forget i did. and then, they forget about me. and the next day, i am forced to recall all that i'm supposed to forget. and till now, it sticks with me. to the point where i am willing to take the next step with my past. so, boldly i will face the future, in hope that the past remains. and i will break my principles, which haf shackled me to the ground in my own safety net. i will go out with attached people. but i guess, she still has to ask me out. *grins*
i guess i need sum complications in my life... makes it more real... i guess i jus think with my heart and not my brains anymore...

so anyways... today helped with the laundry delivery... sumtimes, i'm glad mohd could crap to take my mind off things... i drove blindly.. i wasn't alert... i guess, it was tis mode which i call the robot mode. a mode in which i noe wat to do without thinking. i lapse into stone sessions while driving. i'm aware of my surroundings and what's happening... jus tt it bypasses my brains and goes straight to instinct. ere was even a time, i noe the route but had to ask him where exactly i was goin. heh... so yea

hope i get better come this friday.. we'll see how it turns out. so tats two attached gals i'm goin out with this year alone... sighs... hope i dun become a freaking care bear again... i feel emotionally drained everytime after a few days


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