Sunday, September 12, 2004

hit bya brick

went to mediacorp for the krayon show... so met farah at the bus stop, but she was late!! like 20 minutes... we went there and all... made the pencil case from the empty bottles and an hour glass, but the inside was filled with rice instead... made from bottles too... so proud of myself!! haha... yea, my creation is gonna be shown to the whole of Singapore... mua hahaha... den sumwhere in the end, ere was a grp talkin abt ghost and what they saw and experienced and the make-up artist was like, eh, u can feel these things rite?? and so everyone got interested as to how i can feel and all... den farah got freaked out... so yea, in the end, i accompanied her and waited till her dad came and fetched her, so a lil late to meet dila... (now i'm makin farah feel bad... hahaha)

as i got down the bus, i went to the other side of the interchange and den realised i was on the wrong side and walked all the way back to where i dropped... haiz... haha, so, we missed the bus cos well, as i was walkin ere, i saw the sbs bus jus went off... we didn't talked much durin the bus ride after she told me abt her palm reading... i dunno, i guess, when ppl tell me tat, i usually prefer to leave themin their world and i sink into my own world... not tat i feel uncomfy or anythin, jus tat, i mean, a mood is set and i prefer to let it be tat way, until the one who set the mood changes... and so, here's was what my mind was flying ard durin the bus..

"To live without hope after 'knowing' the future is almost like really bad(for the lack of a better word)"

i always believed tat the fortune teller can tell the past, for it has been done and said, and that the future is chageable.... i dunno, i mean, i guess we all have a path to follow...and until we sumhow decide to change the path, the future wld be the same as bein told... but if u are told abt sumthin tat will happen, esp if itz bad, den changes will be made to the future... ppl are more careful in wat ever they do. granted, they cant really change if itz fated(if ere's such a thing). but they will try to lessen the bad impact... and wat happens if u are a fatalist and u got ur fortune read? would you follow the path you haf been given? i dunno, and i started thinking, wat happened to my notebook with all my tarot reading?? well, itz jus abt 3 or 4 but ere was a precious reading which i am still hanging on to till march next year... it was about a dream i had, the same dream which i dreamt a thousand times before while i'm awake and maybe it filled me up with hope. HOPE, the one thing tat will keep your insanity and save your life in dire situations... yet, tat hope will be the cause of the greatest pain if it dun get fulfilled... i dunno, i rather live with hope and get hurt than not live wif hope and not live.... i guess tats y i lurve "vindicated' by dashboard confessionals... esp the first stanza:

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye
And roped me in
So mesmerizing, and so hypnotizing
I am captivated,

i dunno wat will happen to me when i reach 20 in march, but i sure hope i can survive wifout much pain if i reach 20 and the hope i harboured for 2 years dun occur... but well, maybe it has and maybe i'm too blind to see it, or rather i dun really believe it till itz been said out in the open... i mean, subtleties is really hard to make out, and if itz wrong, well, i dunno... but everything tat has happened within this month points back to the cards and its accuracy, now i jus got to find tat book to read further... i only remembered 2 things, 19 and a star sign... well, wat happens if both are currently being fulfilled? i didnt want to know more in case it wasn't but now tat i knew, sumtimes, a part of me wished it was true and i wonder, wat happens if ppl knew... my friends & the person in mention... would i be turned away? will i be back to where i was and thinkin, i shld haf waited b4 i told anyone... why did i tell anyone? y do i want to feel reality's pain? well, in reality, i guess itz cos the small flame of hope burns inside and tells me, wat happens if it is true and you dun get turned away? the rewards of such a tot is always quite overpowering over the tots of failure.... and yet, i dun want to lose wat i haf now. i'm in a comfort zone and i want to get up and go, yet, i dun want to get up and go back to where i was... i have tot about the crossroads, i guess i'm just too scared to approach it...

anyways, as i walked to the bus stop, i was lost, i mean, literally, my mind wasn't in my environment and i kind of got lost for a while in the middle of towers of houses ard me and i was like, shite, where am i supposed to walk again.... i dunno, i guess i felt like i was hit by a brick... more of what she told me and stuff... wat happens if i combined everything i knew, wld i be thinking abt the same person? but i dunno.... a part of me wants to believe it, but a part of tells me, nah... can't be... so i dunno... walkin on a limbo now... i lost all sense of time and direction... i walked slowly, abt 1/4 of my normal speed and took in all my sights, but i cant concentrate... i jus cant... well, maybe kesh's rite, 'trangely, the most important events have always happened in September'... i dunno la, but well, maybe i might be a believer...




1 Comments:

Blogger kawan_kawan said...

Yo bro, I swear man...

Am currently listening to 'Vindicated' too...

Anyway, all the best yeah?

1:07 PM  

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