Wednesday, May 11, 2005

blogs: an expression of the mind

i dunno how u ppl see blogs. but i see it as a mode of expression. i guess, personally, itz more than jus an avenue to rant and rave. it is how i keep myself from exploding or bein stressed out or anythin too extreme. i write it down, it enters cyberspace, it leaves my body. pure, simple and unadulterated. i pass down no judgement, i do not betray any secrets. i write it as a 3rd person. for i can hardly associate myself with the person in writing. it makes it more neutral. disbelieve me if you will, but it has always been that way. i guess itz my defence mechanism. i run away from pain, sorrow, joy, happiness, fears, the world. i leave the person in question and become a neutral 3rd party. how i disassociate myself, i guess itz my gift, honed through the years. my mind speaks most when i keep quiet and hold a pen or keyboard or use my hands for sign language. though most do not understand sign language, it has been my substitute for the pen and keyboard... maybe tat explains y i hardly write in my poem book anymore...

sure, ppl get slam for their blogs. ppl get called hypocrites in their blog. but hey, who really speaks their mind? there are always more things to say in retrospect, when the mind clears of all prejudice emotions... once we are prejudiced, we are open to a whole array of free arsenal to hurt the other person. and when we keep quiet, sumtimes, it becomes another weapon. whether intentionally or not, in the interest of not hurting more... in the name of not sayin things which will make the matter worst cos u are abt to say sumthin which you will regret later on, for it was not worth saying.

so i write this entry to say, wat ever is written, is history for me. the way i deal with my problems and troubles in life. things which affected me. things which i want to get rid of by making it permanent. as much as it is paradoxical, it works. i feel nothing for the me of yesterday, i feel for today. i guess this is my way of clearing stuff up. sadly as it is ineffective practically, it is the way my brain works.

it isnt because of me. but i only haf a limited peripheral vision. i see a consequence, i see the effect. wat more can u deduce?


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