Tuesday, March 29, 2005

how does it feel?

how does it feel to see a glass shattered while wrapped in cloth?
how does it feel to feel numbness while poision runs thruogh your vein?
how does it feel to be continuosly injected with poison and its antidote?
How does it feel to feel lost while following the beacon's light?
how does it feel to cry dry tears?
how does it feel to forget something memoriable?
how does it feel to be pushed over the edge into a floor of spikes, while under the spikes lies heaven?
i really don't know how it feels... but it felt like that....

so today marks emo day number 2... i dun like emo days when i haf to work... i dun mind if i'm bored and be emo la... but it affects my work drastically... and my driving... well, at least when i was goin home with suf... had to stop at the gate to refocus, after nearly hitting a car and the gate while goin out... but i guess wldn't haf been so bad... i was sitting on the red soft sofa with suf, and suddenly pang... it hits me... so a few seconds of emoness and shireen calls me over and they started askin who was the gal they saw me with... well, told them my friend... sure a few more teasing, but i hope shireen understood... was never tat serious in tellin her sumone's jus a friend...

i need time to fade away from my make believe world... and return to tis world... where everything's much more dangerous and well, much more cruel... i sumtimes need to continually lie to myself to walk on this earth proudly and without fear... and i need to do more these few days before i can switch back to my normal mode(if ere is such a thing, but i guess normal is wat is before sumthin drastic happens)... usually i dun get too emo... i dunno... i usually have to keep reminding myself...

i finally understand why sum ppl wld want to be very bitter to sumone... i guess, it makes them feel better... easier to hate than love... sure they will mean it at the specific time, but feelings change... at the the attacker's will... the victim will always be left with a scar they cld never erase... and usually, tats when the attacker becomes the victim... so, can a carebear become bitter? maybe for a few days... but wats most important is that he dun show it... cos really, itz jus for 1 or 2 days... no use being bitter for a few days when after tat, u'll be just the usual u and still want the friends whom u wld haf been bitter to... i guess my running nose compliments my mood the past few days... dripping uncontrollably when u dun want to to... causes asphyxiation by sumtimes blocking one or even both nostrils... to sri and ducky who will haf to hear my whines durin my emo days... esp sri...

"so pardon me while i burst into flames
So pardon me while i burn, and rise above the flame
Pardon me, pardon me. i'll never be the same.
Not, two days ago i was having a look in a book
And i saw a picture of a guy fried up above his knees
I said i can relate
Cause lately i've been thinking of combustication as a welcomed vacation from."

pardon me - Incubus


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